When they love each other

My oldest baby and youngest baby,

napping together.

(Notice the hand-holding)

When a Fake Fire Inspired Real Joy

Last week, it rained.

I don't always love rainy days, but I ended up enjoying this one.

You see, I'd been blogging, and then reading other's blogs  (like Children and Technology and the great stuff at Hands free mama.) And I'd been thinking about technology and what a distraction it can be, for me, as well as for them. 

I thought about how the little, fun, online things can so easily rob me of the quiet (and important) blessings around me.

For example:

The other day,  I was sitting outside, enjoying the fall air, watching the children play.  The weather was beautiful, and the children were happy, and I took a break to soak it in.  I took one or two deep, satisfied breaths, and then... I checked my phone.

WHY?!

Why is it so hard for me to just be still?

This is true of me with or without the children around.

So, on this rainy, reflective afternoon, I thought about being still, and about being still with children.

Of course, I do not mean actual, physical stillness. I see no reason to attempt such a thing with six children around. If I were physically still, they would just climb on me like a piece of playground equipment. And then I would fall over.

I mean more of an inner stillness, like that of one "fully present."  I mean spending time with them with fewer distractions, an open heart, and an open lap.

We can't live like that all the time, but certainly, we can do this some time.

How could I achieve such stillness?

I needed to be inspired, too. I needed an atmosphere of quiet, and snuggles, and books, and calm. 

The gentle noise of the rain helped, to be sure. 

But a fire place would also be nice.

No fireplace in this house. But I know how to fake it. I got out our Yule Log DVD.

And several blankets.

And pillows.

Then, I filled a basket full of books, wonderful books, my favorite books to read to the children.

I arranged them on the floor, an invitation.

And I lit a candle.

And then, when they came home from school, this happened.

Cooks and books by the "fire"

We lingered for over an hour.

Of course, there were a few lap fights and book fights, and there was one minor injury.

But I was there for it.

All there.

Do you struggle with being "all there" with your children?

For inspiration:

Yule Logs

Open heart open lap

Read, Pray and Hug Before you Click

Mama Can That Wait?

A Child Cannot Kiss A Moving Target

When they believe they can fly

Rejoice

When they work me out

Here we are, after a hearty leaf fight.

They count as exercise, every day, but even more so that day.

When I have what they need

We went to his well check this week, just him and me.
I noted how my life has changed, when getting out for an afternoon with only ONE kid, even to go to the doctor, is a bit of a break. A mini vacation. A chance for a little one on one time.

He brought a book and I tried to keep my phone in my purse.  It can wait, everything can wait, while I spend just a few minutes here with this child and my attention all on him.  We talked about tadpoles and eels and beaver tails. I think I should show him where the science section in the library is. (I think I need to find it, first. I forget there are such things.)

The doctor's visit went smoothly, and he sat there healthy and cute and charming.

Then suddenly, he realized being FIVE is not all wonderful.

Wait, mom, I need shots? What do you mean I need shots?

I told him he could squeeze my hand, and he practiced, and he "hurt" me, and he smiled proud and brave. 

But the shots hurt, they really did. He tried his best, but tears came and he just needed his mommy.

And maybe some ice cream.

Later, he wanted extra snuggles on the couch, and "maybe can we have a movie night tonight? My forehead just hurts and I want you to snuggle me."

So maybe he is milking it. But my superhero doesn't often ask for snuggles these days.
I like these moments, when I have just what he needs.

When they correct each other's grammar

This means they are learning the language, and they actually care about using words in the right way.

I delight in their nerdiness.
-----
Mommy, look at that sign! It says "Bed Bath & Beyond. Why didn't they put the commas in?  That's dumb."
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"Why is it called Dollar TREE? It's NOT a tree, it's a store."
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They even modify songs so they make more sense:
Once my little girl sang, 
"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie... then it will poke your eye out..."
-----
Of course, they don't always get it right.

"There ain't no drinks!" yelled Seth.

Big sister put her hands on her hips and said sternly, "No... it's there ain't ANY drinks! Wait, no….”

-----

At church one night, my son opened up the bulletin, pointed to “AMEN” and asked what that said.  
“Ah-men.” I told him, quickly, as service was starting.  
“But mommy, O says Ah, not A.”  
“Fine then,” I said, “Say Amen, not Ah-men.  Sometimes A says its name, like Amy.” 
“Yeah, like Amy! Amen!”  He stared at the word, and I forgot about our conversation, at least until we got to that part in the service, and the congregation sang “Ah-men.”  
“MOMMY!” He tugged at my sleeve, “O says Ah, not A!!!”  
I sighed, “Honey, I'm sorry, we will talk about it at home ok?”  
I was afraid he was going to stand up and give the whole church a phonics lesson!

Does your child pay attention to grammar?

Have you ever been stopped in the middle of a lecture for a grammar lesson? That is not funny.

Share today's joy with me in the comments!

When they match

That smile that made me fall for him.

Passed on.

When we comfort each other in grief

From My Gilead (notes to my children)

August 23, 2011

On this day baby Delia was born, baptized, and left to be with Jesus.  Do you remember this day, or this week?  Your daddy was gone all night to be with the family.  He baptized her.  He called the whole experience "harder than war."  He was gone almost all week with the family afterwards.  

Do you remember the stress and sadness of this week?  

Do you remember the extra kids at our house all week?

The came to play while their parents cried and slept, the day after.

Lorraine do you remember how I let you stay home from school that day so you could help me with the extra kids?  

I knew you would be a blessing to those kids, especially to the older girls.  You were.  You kids swam and played and had all kinds of fun.  It was good to see you able to do that, even though the adults all around you had such heavy hearts.

August 28 2011

We made it through Delia's funeral.  I made it through the week of absent daddy, the extra kids, and the actually going to the funeral with three kids in tow.  Lorraine, Aggie, and Seth- do you remember this, your first funeral for a child?  Daddy says it was a good thing to take you.  He says it is good to teach you about the realities of death even though you are young, and to help you look to Jesus in times like this.

They let people hold Delia, family, before the service.  Josh and I were talking about this, and he said it was probably a good thing for you kids to see, otherwise "you might end up being 31 and afraid of death!" (scoff.)  (Is that really so strange? I wondered.)

I hated seeing that beautiful wooden cradle that held her body. It made my stomach hurt. I heard it took Delia's daddy and Uncle Dave 2 days to make it.

Oh God, help the children, and help me, and help daddy, and help all who love Delia...  Hold us close to You here in the valley of the shadow of death.

Thank you for their little arms to hug me through this week. 

Thank you for helping them find comfort in mine, as my arms are just an extension of your care for them.

And thank you, Father, for giving us solid promises and reasons to hope with confidence that this is not the end of the story.  

In the name of Jesus and because of his death and resurrection,

Amen

----------------

For more on being weak and loved in times of grief, see the following posts

Art in times of Grief

Little much-loved one

God's Hard NO and His Yes

Blessed Spring (this is just a season)

What can you say?

How are you doing? Seems like a crazy question, but this is what I am really asking

Weak and Loved in Grief

Help! I don't like my child!

(I am counting this post as pat of my series- 31 days of joy on the mommy job- because it is precisely in struggles like these that I find renewed joy in Jesus who forgives and sustains and helps me in all things.)

Emily....
I need prayers. A lot.

Please, don't judge me, just pray for me.

Here it goes...... I struggle with liking my son, daily. God help me and forgive me. I love him dearly and there are so many great and wonderful things about him. He posses qualities that any, normal, mother would adore.

 I struggle with him though. It is because I do not handle his [specific personality, moods, quirks] well.

 It wears on me and I start getting mad. I have very little patience.

God, please let me get a handle on this. Let my son grow to be the wonderful person he is in spite of me. God, You created this magnificent child for a purpose. Please, help me in not screwing this up!

-- Weary Mom

Dear Weary Mom,

I relate very much to this struggle.

First, let me relieve you with this- you have not been commanded to LIKE your son. Seriously. You have to love him, yes, but love is not a feeling of approval.  Love does not mean that you enjoy his presence all the time.  To love him means you do what is best for him—to pour yourself out for him and seek his good.

Yes, I know, that is impossible too, in light of our selfishness and sin. 

But what is impossible for us is possible in Christ.  God does not just forgive our sins but he gives us his righteousness.  That means, we get to use His love, His patience, His wisdom as we serve those around us.  

This is why we are invited and ordered to abide in Him!  He knows that without him we just have selfish sin, but with him we learn (slowly sometimes!) to see as He sees, and borrow everything we need from His hand.  It is by His grace alone that we are able to seek the good of others despite our feelings.

You also have the difficult job of sorting out the behavior of your son. What is just a personality quirk? What is sin? What should I address for the sake of those who will interact with him for the rest of his life?  Are there things that he simply cannot control? Is he just being stubborn? Is he just different, and that is what is annoying me?

I wish there was an easy way to sort these things out.

I encourage you to prayerfully observe your son as you wrestle through these things.

And take refuge in the grace of God that covers you and him even in the middle of these growing pains.
--- Emily

God, please help me love my son as you love me.
Help me know what parts of his behaviors are simply HIM and things that I need to put up with—change me where I need changing—and help me know what behaviors are things that need correcting.

Teach me to discipline him not just for my sake, but for his, as it is my job to help him grow into a person who can handle his emotions and love and serve others with compassion and self-control.

Help me, when I need to 'be the wall' –to give firm and consistent consequences for misbehavior—because this is exhausting, and it is hard to sort out my selfishness from what is right.

Forgive me when I get all this wrong.
Cover both of us in grace. More importantly than all of this, teach me to point him (and myself!) to You each day- that we may both take refuge in your constant love for us.
In Jesus,
Amen.

Do you ever have trouble liking your child?
What other advice do you have for this weary mom?

When they see God's fingerprints

Arriving home after our trip to Michigan, I said, 

“Guys, look at the pink sky! Isn't it gorgeous?”

“Wow, mommy! I think God put it there just for us to say ‘welcome home, Cook family!’” 

May God always help you all to see those little gifts as gifts from Him to you- for that is what they are.

Two Words: Trickle Down

I love trickle-down education.

When they simply crack me up

"Ouch, Marcus!" I said as he squeezed me goodbye.
“That’s how hug my tights are.” Marcus said.

“you’re wearing tights?!” 

-----

He was so surprised, he yelled, "Oh my COW!"

----  

Aggie tried to write MOM on her picture, but she wrote MOOM. 
That's funny, I feel more like a MOOM today! :) (37 weeks pregnant at the time!)

-----

]Josh put in an invisible fence for copper.
Aggie said, "Daddy I've never seen an invisible fence!"

-----

Marcus: That quesadilla hit my spot!

-----

"Hey mama!  Look, I ate "squat!""

Hm, has he been told recently that he 'didn't eat squat?' I wonder.  
So I say, "Oh really!  What's squat?"

"It's syrup."

(Note that he has no syrup on his plate.  Only chicken nuggets and grapes.)

"How did you eat syrup when you don't have any syrup on your plate?"

He looks at me, obviously assuming this mother of his has never gone to school or even opened a book, and states with authority, "Squat can be Ranch too."

Get with it mama.

I'd love to hear your funny moments this week!

Share them in the comments!

When the days are simple

A snippet of our simple preschool morning. From My Gilead

Eldon and Peter- 
Our days are simple and our joys are small but wonderful.

They sat on pillows while we read about dogs driving dump trucks.

Their faces stuffed with banana, one said “more!” and the other jumped up in agreement.

“You monkeys need more bananas?” I sat down the book. “Let’s go get some.”

I walked to the kitchen and they ran along behind me, making happy noises. I picked up a banana and said, “Ok boys, make your monkey noises and I’ll give you a banana!”

Smiling huge, they did an “ooh ooohh ah ah” monkey dance. I handed them each a piece of banana and they ran off with it, little feet pounding on the floor all the way to their pillows.

They shoved the bananas in their boogery, dirty little faces, and I picked up the book again.

We read about dogs driving dump trucks.

What do you enjoy about the simple days with small children?

When they incorporate technology into their lives

When he had to take a break from a game of tag to go get a drink of water, my son told the others:  "Pause the game!"

-----

Me: "Why is my computer being so slow today?"
Marcus: "I could fix it. With Seth's tools.."
Oh no. Please, no

-----

"Mommy make it go washy-washy?"

"No honey, we don't have any more laundry to do right now."

"pleeeeese? I'll be your best friend...."
Watching the clothes swish is one of his favorite things to do!  I usually let him, until he falls in or starts throwing toys in.


-----

One day I was ignoring my son on the floor and typing away at my computer. Suddenly a window popped up that said, "Device not recognized."  But... I hadn't plugged anything in!
I looked down at my son, and saw that he had my laptop charger in his mouth!
I definitely don't have a driver installed for that device!

----

"I think the tooth fairy has the internet because she knows what everyone is doing." 

-----

What do your kids think about technology?

Id' love to hear your stories!

When they get me

One Saturday when Josh was on duty,  he was getting the kids ready for their naps, and Seth said to him, "Daddy, while we take our naps, are you going to work in the kitchen? I want mommy to be proud of you when she comes home!"

I love that he knows what makes me happy!

------

“We need to put on some quiet music.” I told Lorraine as we got in the van.
"Why?" asked my daughter.

“Because daddy’s with us, and adults like to have conversation.”

“Not all of em.”
“Oh really?”

“Yeah. Not the ones who refuse to grow up.”

She smiled at me with her big brown eyes. 
That was a good button to push, as we've been reading Peter Pan in Scarlet together. 
I made sure to jam with her later.

------

"Mommy, I don't think I have ever seen you in high heels," Lorraine said as she stood there in her dress up shoes.
I give her a look.
"And I probably never will." She laughs.
I love that my daughter knows me.

Do your children ever surprise you with how much they actually "get" you?

When they make up creative excuses

"Mom, my hands smell like...... um, peanut butter and soap, and I have been trying to wash and wash but it won't come off. Will you help me?"
Strange. This kid is not usually a compulsive hand-washer.
I sniff.
"Did you get into dad's cologne?"
He nods.

---------------------

"What's this on your head, son? You didn't cut your hair did you?"

His face is completely serious as he says his line: "I think I have just been bumping my head on a  lot of sharp things lately."

Oh really? Yeah, I hate when that happens.

(later…)

"Er, um, Mom?  Maybe I did cut my hair with scissors."

When they interpret church life through child eyes

Daddy  records his sermons on his MP3 player and listens to them later.
Why?
As his son explained to his other son,

"Daddy is listening to his sermon because he doesn't know what he talked about today."

-----

I only let him wear them once because he had a blister, but now in his mind those are officially his "Sunday School Crocs."

-----

It’s palm Sunday, not bomb Sunday Marcus.

-----

Mommy, why do people love us so much?"
"What people?"
"Our church family."
:) 
Wouldn't it be awesome if every little kid felt that way?

When they are afraid of the weirdest things

One day, during a storm, a little boy yelled frantically,
 "Mommy! Bring copper inside! If she gets hit by lightning, she'll SHRINK!"

..honey, that's only on Mario Kart! 

My little guy likes to step on feet and play with people's shoes.  One day after church he took off my slipper, only to discover my foot in a black nylon stocking.  He was HORRIFIED!  He refused to touch it, and ran away like he was afraid.  I couldn't believe he was really afraid of my black foot, so I teased him with it a little... sure enough, he cried like it was the scariest thing he had ever seen!

Do your kids have any quirky fears?

When they are proud to be beautiful

"Aggie you look beautiful today!" said her teacher.

I know. I wore this dress because I thought you would like to look at me in it.

When they solve problems creatively

I love seeing their creative minds at work, problem-solving.
I wish I could give them extra credit points for cleverness.


"Mom, will you jump on the trampoline with us?"

"No, dear, Mom needs some quiet time now."

"But if you jump on the trampoline with us, we will be quiet! And we can listen to the birds sing, too!"   

Quiet time?

-----

The kids were climbing on the chairs one day pretending there were crocodiles in the carpet, and I heard one yell, "OH NO! A crocodile ate both of my feet!" 
Not to worry though, she simply climbed to another chair and said, "I'll be right back, I have to go to the store to get some more feet!"

-----

 As I am helping him with his PJ shirt, I say, "Please pick up your dirty clothes and put them where they belong." 
He replies, "Mommy, you got them out, you get to put them away."

-----

"Eat your oranges. Your body needs vitamin C to fight germs."

"But mom, I ate a bullet today."

"Sorry kid, you still have to eat your oranges." 

-----

A scowling little boy stares at his plate. Salad. THEN the cookies. Sweet, wonderful, chocolate chip cookies. Waiting for him. Right there, in reach, just waiting for him to climb that very last hurdle before he tastes sweet victory.

But first, salad. Laying there in all its ugly greenness. 
He scowls deep.

Suddenly, an idea. 
“I’m saving the best for last mommy! Grammy says you should always save the best for last!”
“That’s right. Now is your salad gone?”
“No, mommy, salad is my best! So I’m going to eat my cookies first and save my BEST salad for last!”

An older sibling who believes in objective truth snorts and says, “COOKIES are better than salad. Salad is NOT the best.”

“Salad is my best mommy! I just really really want to save the best for last!”
Laughing hard I tell him no, but I wish I could give him points for cleverness!

-----

Have you heard your child creatively solve a problem lately?

Share your joy with me in the comments!