My Weakness His Strength: The Heaviness of Motherhood

“I'm the Mom. I can't afford to be weak. 

I have so many responsibilities on my shoulders that if I am weak, 

well then...

everything collapses.”

-- Jenny, commenting on the first post in this series

How many of you relate to this pressure, this terrible pressure?

I know that pressure. I’m the mom, I can’t break down or everything will fall apart.
I have to be strong for their sakes. I have keep going, to hold this all together because if I don’t, then what? Sure, the stress is leaking out of the corner of my eyes and I’m counting the minutes until bedtime.
Sure I was just praying and crying in my room, but now I will wash my face and put on a smile while I make them lunch.

Oh, I know that pressure.
And I can’t tell you to shrug it off, either. I really wish I could. I wish I could tell  all of us that we can just take a break from being mom today, just ignore and neglect them, and it won’t really matter in the long run. I wish I could tell you that they are tough and they don’t really need mom as much as they think they do. I wish I could tell you to lighten up.

the weight of it!

But it’s true. Being a mother is a heavy job.
We can’t just set it down and run away for a little while, until we feel healthy enough to pick it up again.
We have to do it sick, depressed, grieving, doubting. We have to do it with wounds and questions and unmet needs of our own.

Children are just so NEEDY.

What happens in your house when mom is needy, too?

In my house, it goes one of two ways:

1. I hide it, or at least I attempt to hide it.
I pretend I am fine, and get things done in a goat-like manner, barreling on through till bedtime, and letting my words and my attitude injure my family left and right along the way. I hope that I will just sleep it off, and if I do, I just excuse the whole thing as if it were acceptable under the heading “mama just had a bad day.” And I hope that their injuries are minor enough that they will forget them just as quickly.

2. I talk about it.
I can tell my family what is going on in my body or in my heart (if I know!) and I can ask for help. I can apologize for the little injuries, the unkind words spoken out of pain or exhaustion. I can ask for their help and their prayers. Yes, even the little people.

Brutal honesty here: #2 is a new concept to me, and I won’t pretend I chose it over #1 every time.
It sounds so nice on paper, so humble and honorable and easy… until it is time to actually DO it. When I’m the weak one, the one with the need (that my pride still tells me I shouldn't have in the first place,) fessing up to those around me seems impossible. It seems like something that takes entirely more courage than I actually have.

But Jesus says, “Let the little children come,” and you are one of those children. He says, “Come to me, and I will give you rest,” and He knows how to give rest to weary mothers. We may not receive that vacation on the beach that we think we need, but He will give us rest, through His Word, and through other people. (Accepting that second one- that’s the challenge, isn't it? Wait, the first one is not so easy either.)

Grace frees us to ask Him for help, and then to accept that help, even when it comes through other people. He has not given us one single thing to bear that we must bear alone.

Are you weary today?

• Remember first, who you are in Christ. By grace you have been saved, and now, you are fully known and fully loved, even with the heaviness that you carry. Does the heaviness seem to inflame the sin and selfishness in your own heart? Bring that heart to Him, again, and hear Him welcome you.
• Second, remember who THEY are in Christ: those children you are loving and serving. Remember that God Himself has also committed to finish the work that He has begun in them. Yes, you are an important part of it, but the weight of it is on Him. He can use other hands and other means. His faithfulness is their hope, just as it is yours.
• Ask for help. Confess your sins and your need to God, and receive His grace through His Word and through the people around you. Let them see your need, so that they may help you with the gifts that God has given them.

Do you dare to admit it?

What happens in your house when mommy is needy?
Do you need to let someone see your need today?


Coming up next:
What do children learn when they see mom’s weakness?

originally posted on 7/10/12

My Weakness/His Strength #2: 'Twas Grace That Showed My Heart Its Need

My husband and I worked in a nursing home while we were in college. 

Doris & Emily

We were partners in the job and in ministry to the elderly people in that home. It was a tough job, but I loved it.  When one of us discovered a resident that needed an extra listening ear or a prayer, the other would double up on the “real” jobs so that could get done. It was in that nursing home that we met Agnes, dear Agnes, who taught us Luther’s evening prayer as we read her devotions to her at night:

Josh & "Grandma" Agnes doing nightly devotions

A young girl in my strength, I bounced around that nursing home meeting all the needs that I could. I loved working with my husband in this way. 

I love being the need-meeter.

But I don't always get to be the need-meeter: