Grace Frees Me

Grace frees me to be the child that I am and to ask my Father for help. (John Kleinig)

What is grace?

Grace: unmerited, unearned, undeserved favor of God.

Grace, given through Jesus Christ, to sinners, even me.

Grace frees me.

Grace frees us.

 Grace frees us to be honest.

I have found that I waste entirely too much energy trying to hide my weaknesses, trying to make myself seem better or holier or stronger than I actually am.

Being honest, brutally honest, is terrifying, and I think it is so terrifying that it would be impossible…but, God:

But God, being rich in mercy, 

because of the great love with which he loved us, 

even when we were dead in our trespasses, 

made us alive together with Christ— 

by grace you have been saved— (Ephesians 2:4-5)

That acceptance I want?  That security I want?

That approval from God? I already have it in Christ.

I am fully known and fully loved. I do not have to hide any more. I do not have to downplay my weaknesses and exaggerate my strengths. I do not have to waste energy contorting my body and my spirit to make myself perfect, or to appear perfect.

And neither do you, dear Christian.

“Our justification does not depend on our piety and our spiritual performance but on Christ and His performance. We can therefore face up to our recurring failure to live as His holy people and people of prayer. In fact, our failure Is meant to teach us to ask for what we lack and receive everything from Christ.”(Grace Upon Grace, Kleinig, p. 39)

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When Jesus says, "Let the little children come," may we hear and know that we are included in that invitation! The little people inside us, the scared children that we try to hide under adult costumes, they are welcome! In God's presence, we are free to be small, dirty, whiney, messy. He welcomes us as we are and takes us on his lap and teaches us to simply BE in his presence, small, and so very loved. 

Praise be to God,

who loves and welcomes children,

who loves and welcomes us.

Amen.

My Weakness His Strength: The Heaviness of Motherhood

“I'm the Mom. I can't afford to be weak. 

I have so many responsibilities on my shoulders that if I am weak, 

well then...

everything collapses.”

-- Jenny, commenting on the first post in this series

How many of you relate to this pressure, this terrible pressure?

I know that pressure. I’m the mom, I can’t break down or everything will fall apart.
I have to be strong for their sakes. I have keep going, to hold this all together because if I don’t, then what? Sure, the stress is leaking out of the corner of my eyes and I’m counting the minutes until bedtime.
Sure I was just praying and crying in my room, but now I will wash my face and put on a smile while I make them lunch.

Oh, I know that pressure.
And I can’t tell you to shrug it off, either. I really wish I could. I wish I could tell  all of us that we can just take a break from being mom today, just ignore and neglect them, and it won’t really matter in the long run. I wish I could tell you that they are tough and they don’t really need mom as much as they think they do. I wish I could tell you to lighten up.

the weight of it!

But it’s true. Being a mother is a heavy job.
We can’t just set it down and run away for a little while, until we feel healthy enough to pick it up again.
We have to do it sick, depressed, grieving, doubting. We have to do it with wounds and questions and unmet needs of our own.

Children are just so NEEDY.

What happens in your house when mom is needy, too?

In my house, it goes one of two ways:

1. I hide it, or at least I attempt to hide it.
I pretend I am fine, and get things done in a goat-like manner, barreling on through till bedtime, and letting my words and my attitude injure my family left and right along the way. I hope that I will just sleep it off, and if I do, I just excuse the whole thing as if it were acceptable under the heading “mama just had a bad day.” And I hope that their injuries are minor enough that they will forget them just as quickly.

2. I talk about it.
I can tell my family what is going on in my body or in my heart (if I know!) and I can ask for help. I can apologize for the little injuries, the unkind words spoken out of pain or exhaustion. I can ask for their help and their prayers. Yes, even the little people.

Brutal honesty here: #2 is a new concept to me, and I won’t pretend I chose it over #1 every time.
It sounds so nice on paper, so humble and honorable and easy… until it is time to actually DO it. When I’m the weak one, the one with the need (that my pride still tells me I shouldn't have in the first place,) fessing up to those around me seems impossible. It seems like something that takes entirely more courage than I actually have.

But Jesus says, “Let the little children come,” and you are one of those children. He says, “Come to me, and I will give you rest,” and He knows how to give rest to weary mothers. We may not receive that vacation on the beach that we think we need, but He will give us rest, through His Word, and through other people. (Accepting that second one- that’s the challenge, isn't it? Wait, the first one is not so easy either.)

Grace frees us to ask Him for help, and then to accept that help, even when it comes through other people. He has not given us one single thing to bear that we must bear alone.

Are you weary today?

• Remember first, who you are in Christ. By grace you have been saved, and now, you are fully known and fully loved, even with the heaviness that you carry. Does the heaviness seem to inflame the sin and selfishness in your own heart? Bring that heart to Him, again, and hear Him welcome you.
• Second, remember who THEY are in Christ: those children you are loving and serving. Remember that God Himself has also committed to finish the work that He has begun in them. Yes, you are an important part of it, but the weight of it is on Him. He can use other hands and other means. His faithfulness is their hope, just as it is yours.
• Ask for help. Confess your sins and your need to God, and receive His grace through His Word and through the people around you. Let them see your need, so that they may help you with the gifts that God has given them.

Do you dare to admit it?

What happens in your house when mommy is needy?
Do you need to let someone see your need today?


Coming up next:
What do children learn when they see mom’s weakness?

originally posted on 7/10/12

Kiddo, Will You Pray for Me?

To be fair, mothers, I don’t think this is entirely our fault, this tendency to think we are the Ultimate Need Meeters for our families and children. Our job starts out this way.

As an expectant mother, my tiny child really is 100% dependent on me, and I am 100% required for his or her survival. The weight of it is on me, and there is nobody that can pick that job up for me, even for one minute, to give me a break.

All of your strength.

 The story is told of a dad who asked his young son to lift a very heavy object, a weight far beyond the little boy’s capacity. The object would not budge. 

“Try again, son.” The boy tried again with no success. “Son, you are not using all your strength.” The boy tried again, but still the object would not move. “Son, you’re still not using all your strength!”

“Oh, Daddy, Daddy, I’m trying,” grunted the boy as he strained at the immovable object. “I’m using all my strength.”

“No, you’re not, son,” replied the father. “You haven’t asked me to help!”

(Robert D. Jones, as quoted in Mahaney, Feminine Appeal, p. 119)

His strength is our strength.

Do you understand that? 

His strength is (by grace!) our strength.

His strength is my strength.

There for the taking. And he invites me to ask for it.

Lifting the rock of my sinful nature is utterly impossible, unless I use all my strength, my strength as a child of God, my strength in Him. His strength. My strength.

We would be foolish children of God, to tackle our sins and our problems, without using all of our strength.

Father,

Forgive my forgetfulness, and my pride that tackles my problems with my puny earthly resources. Because of Christ, I am your child. By your grace, I am your child.  And You are a God eager to bless and to help. How quickly I forget this! Christ’s inheritance is mine. His riches are mine. His  holiness, self-control, and love are mine. His strength is mine. Help me to see, know, and live this today, by Your grace, and because of His blood shed for me, Amen.

photo credit balyarrweekgme2010

God is in control. Is that supposed to be comforting?

God is in control.
It is so easy to say. It is so easy to accept, cheerfully, when things are going well.

And then, suddenly, when the wind is knocked out of me by tragedy or grief, it’s hard.

Practicing Trials: Read and Receive

Sometimes, I read books to practice life.

I pretend I’m trying the story out, as if I could use the vicarious experience as a rehearsal, imagine what I’d do, and be better equipped to do that thing if my life ever comes to that. It’s like exercise. Getting in shape for the race that might be ahead.
If this happened to me, what would I do?
Would I do what this person did?
Would I be strong like they are?

I wonder how many people are reading my book in this way? Do some of you read to try out a trial, to “practice” a hard thing?

Of course, if the borrowed trial gets too intense, I can always just close the book and walk away.

My Weakness/His Strength #5: Grace For the Pin Pricks of Today

My heart is not stabbed with the arrow of epilepsy or depression at the moment. My wound is not gushing. And yet, even healthy and seemingly capable, I need. 

Perhaps I can see this more clearly than others because of the sheer quantity of children I have: I simply cannot meet all their needs. Not even the legitimate ones. My patience is not strong enough, my heart is not big enough. I don’t love them enough. I’m not talking about being their god; or filling a hole that I was never meant to fill. I’m just talking about my calling. I’m their mom. And I don’t love them enough. I love them much less than I love myself.

That sounds harsh, but it is true.

This selfish heart of mine is not capable of giving my kids the love they deserve. 

I just don’t have it in me.

How do I know?

I know because the pin pricks remind me. The pricks of everyday life reveal again and again, my sin and my need. (And these six children, how they prick me!)

• They wake me up early and I don’t CARE what they do or what they watch so long as they leave me alone.
• They leaven their shoes in the living room and I throw them down the hall in anger.
• Boy hits boy and the screaming makes me MAD.
• The child wets the bed and I stomp around about it.
• The baby tap-tap-taps on my arm and I yell, “WHAT!? Stop touching ME!” and he cries.
• They talk, talk, talk at me, and I find myself thinking crazy thoughts.

Even healthy and strong, I need. I need grace like I need air.

Our Father did not say to His children, “call me when you’ve had a horrible day and I’ll see what I can do.”

Prayer is not meant to be like dialing 911: Emergencies only, and it had better be serious!

Rather, God says, “Abide in me, for apart from me, you can do nothing.” 

He gives us all good things, freely, from eternal life to daily bread.

When I was flattened, my ears were opened and I heard the song of God’s love for me. He called to me and carried me and upheld my heart when I could not do it alone.

It’s a song I hear, grace I breathe in, even on a normal day like today.

Do the pin pricks of everyday life reveal the selfishness in your heart, too?

Do you use prayer like 911?

How has God shown His love to you this week, in big or little things?

This weekend we are celebrating the anniversary of My Great Flattening

Aggie's brain surgery.

Rejoicing in three years seizure-freedom this Sunday.

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My Weakness/His Strength:
See the whole series here 

My Weakness/His Strength #2: 'Twas Grace That Showed My Heart Its Need

My husband and I worked in a nursing home while we were in college. 

Doris & Emily

We were partners in the job and in ministry to the elderly people in that home. It was a tough job, but I loved it.  When one of us discovered a resident that needed an extra listening ear or a prayer, the other would double up on the “real” jobs so that could get done. It was in that nursing home that we met Agnes, dear Agnes, who taught us Luther’s evening prayer as we read her devotions to her at night:

Josh & "Grandma" Agnes doing nightly devotions

A young girl in my strength, I bounced around that nursing home meeting all the needs that I could. I loved working with my husband in this way. 

I love being the need-meeter.

But I don't always get to be the need-meeter: