The Sheep of His Hand

When we moved to Indiana, nobody had ever gone to school before. I was a stay-at-home mom with four preschoolers. Little Lorraine was the first one to leave. I remember the nights leading up to her first day of kindergarten: her big brown eyes asking me terrified questions, “Mama, what was school like when you were a kid?”

“Mom, will I get to have a stay-at-home day with you again?”

“But what if I miss you?”

Years later, a son's first day of school. His face said “this is no big deal” when he left me, but after school, he grabbed my hand and made a quiet confession: “Mom, I cried a little at rest time because I missd-ed you, but nobody saw me.”

Now, a new city, a new home, and all six are old enough for school.  God is asking quite a bit of me, it seems, to trust my precious babies with people I hardly know. But He is kind to me, even through this, providing me assurances of His presence and His love for these dear children; a love greater than mine.

In Indiana, and now, here in Michigan, we walk across the yard to school.  I may be able to see the school from my window, but the distance between home and school is huge, no matter where you live. Here, I am the one to whom they come with joys and problems. At school, to whom will they go? If they cry, will anyone see? Once they are on the conveyor belt that takes them to kindergarten, to sports, to junior high, to high school, to college, will they ever come back to me, to simply rest in my arms?

Yet, they are not mine, and I have no right to hold them as if they are. Our children are ours for a season, but by the grace of God given in Baptism, they are His for eternity. And here in my kitchen as I pray for my school kids, I know that God Himself is there in the school with them, helping them grow into who He has made them to be.

God is there, and I thank God, that His presence is welcome at this school.



Last night, one wouldn't eat. Another had a horrible dream that he went to school and forgot his shoes. One was extra fussy about her hair. They are wearing unfamiliar clothes (uniforms!), and they don't know their way around the building.  They need to learn to use lockers, and they are meeting all kinds of new people.  And yet, this morning, they each managed to put one foot in front of the other and walk into the unknown.  Not one of them cried when I left.  God is holding them up, even as He has promised.

And now, they are sitting in new desks, learning their new lives. And God is with them. They are watching for his provision, and He will provide. They gather with their peers and their teachers, not only to learn multiplication tables and phonics; they gather with the body of Christ, and together, they will receive good things from His hand.

The eyes of all look to you,
    and you give them their food in due season.
16 You open your hand;
    you satisfy the desire of every living thing.
Psalm 145:15-16

Almighty God, heavenly Father, You have blessed us with the joy and care of children in our homes and in our school. Give us calm strength and patient wisdom that, as they grow in years, we may teach them to love whatever is just and true and good, following the example of our Savior, Jesus Christ, our Lord. We cannot do this except by your strength. Please pour out your abundant provision for us, your church, and grant us faithful hands and faithful hearts.

In His name we pray, Amen.

(prayer paraphrased from LSB p. 315)

Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised,

    and his greatness is unsearchable.

One generation shall commend your works to another,

    and shall declare your mighty acts.

On the glorious splendor of your majesty,

    and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.

They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds,

    and I will declare your greatness.

They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness

    and shall sing aloud of your righteousness.

The Lord is gracious and merciful,

    slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

The Lord is good to all,

    and his mercy is over all that he has made.

(Psalm 145: 3-9)

Unbuckled. (when the littlest one leaves for school.)

The lake spreads wide, and we ride along in our tiny fishing boat.

We are tiny, on the big lake.

My tiniest one is afraid. His life jacket does not comfort him like it comforts me. He climbs in my lap, and places my arms around his waist. “Mama, you be my seatbelt,” he says. He settles back into me, and watches the glory of the summer day pass by, in safety and confidence now; now that he is tucked in my arms, now that mama is his seatbelt.

Yes, dear, I will be your seatbelt, gladly, while I still can. I nuzzle into his hair, breathing in the summer, lake, life, and little boy. I hold the moment close to me while I can, while my arms still reach around his little waist; while he still fits here, on my lap.

My tiniest one is outgrowing his seatbelt.

The waves come from the front, and more waves from the side. The boat suddenly jerks, and I fly off my seat, tiny one smashes into the side of the boat. He shows me his bruise, angry with me. Mama's seatbelt didn't hold. I glare at my husband, angry with him. Where's my seatbelt?

The tiniest one climbs back on my lap, and we continue on, though not without prayers from my mother-heart. We speed along the miracle of the giant lake, upheld in our little boat. Where can we go, but forward? To Whom shall we cling as we fly along? Our Creator and Father shines the sun down upon us, as we consider His ways, meditate on His works. We ride on his works; we swim in them and float on them and watch them fly overhead and make them into castles and watch them destroy our castles.

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Tomorrow, it will be time to unbuckle the last seatbelt.

Tomorrow, my youngest goes to kindergarten.

Mothers are not made to be seat belts forever. 

And so, we go forward, the children to school, and me, into the next season of life. We go forward, but not without many prayers from my mother-heart.

Father,

Take my children and all children into your loving hands as they begin a new school year.  Guard them from danger, bless them with good friends and kind teachers; grant them bodies full of health, and minds full of wonder and joy in learning.  As they outgrow their motherly seatbelts, grow them up in You, that your grace may be the air they breathe and the cool water in which they swim each day.  

Father, take this mother, and all mothers, into Your loving hands, too.  Grant us the grace to flex with the needs of our families, and the eyes to see your grace and blessings in each season of our lives.  Refresh us, Lord, and quench our thirst as we drink deeply from Your Word each day.  Be our anchor in the days of change, and fix our hearts where true joys are to be found: In Jesus, Your Son, our Lord. Amen.

Tiny. 

 Loved. 

Unbuckled.

For those who love the little ones

For those who work with children,
for those with big hearts, open hearts,
and arms wide to embrace the world;
for those who have poured out love to the least of these,
even on my own children,

For family, teachers, coaches, piano teachers, principals, babysitters, 4h leaders, and all of those whose hearts have room for children and strangers...

God's people give thanks.

The love you pour out has not been given in vain. The messes you've cleaned in secret, the discipline,  the nurturing,
the words of wisdom that seem to have fallen on deaf ears- your work, done in the Lord, has not been done in vain.

Many do not see or understand the sacrifices you make. But God does see. And I do hope you know that those sweet words from him are coming to you: “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

As I consider these things, an image from The Great Divorce by CS Lewis springs to memory. The author imagines a trip to heaven, and he imagines those great redeemed Spirits in whom the work of God has been done. And this is the part that made me think of you:

Some kind of procession was approaching us, and the light came from the persons who composed it. First came the bright Spirits, not the Spirits of men, who danced and scattered flowers-- soundlessly falling, lightly drifting flowers...Then, on the left and right, at each side of the forest avenue, came youthful shapes, boys upon one hand, and girls upon the other. If I could remember their singing and write down the notes, no man who read that score would ever grow sick or old. Between them went musicians: and after these a lady in whose honor all this was being done.

I cannot now remember whether she was naked or clothed. If she were naked, then it must have been the almost visible penumbra of her courtesy and joy which produces in my memory the illusion of a great and shining train that followed her across the happy grass. If she were clothed, then the illusion of nakedness is doubtless due to the clarity with which her inmost spirit shone through the clothes. For clothes in that country are not a disguise: the spiritual body lives along each thread and trusn them into living organs. A robe or a crown is there as much one of the wearer's features as a lip or an eye.

But I have forgotten. And only partly do I remember the unbearable beauty of her face.

“Is it? … is it?” I whispered to my guide.

“Not at all,” said he. “It's someone ye'll never have heard of. Her name on earth was Sarah Smith and she lived at Golders Green... She is one of the great ones. Ye have heard that fame in this country and fame on Earth are two quiet different things.”

“And who are all these young men and women on each side?”
“They are her sons and daughters.”
“She must have had a very large family, Sir.”
“Every young man or boy that met her became her son—even if was only the boy that brought the meat to her back door. Every girl that met her was her daughter...”

“...now the abundance of life she has in Christ from the Father flows over into them.”

Almighty God,
Bless and keep Your children with the big hearts and willing hands. Be with them in weariness and discouragement, and grant them moments of refreshing.  Defend them from despair and bitterness, and uphold them in Your grace. Grant strength for each day, compassion for each suffering soul you send, and rest in the grace of Jesus for each weary head this night.
Confirm the work of your hands, Lord, and sustain us until that day when we can see it, too.
Amen.

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Perhaps this post made you think of someone specific. Why not share it with them as a way to say 'thanks?'

from here.

My bare feet sink into sand, but still I run, holding tight to the little one’s back before I throw him overhead in a grand under-dog.  He clings tight to the chain, laughing loud.  His brother teases, “Grandma can push higher than you!” because he’d rather tease than ask politely for a turn. But I hear the asking in the teasing, and I push him up and over, higher than his brother.

As I recover my footing I see she is watching me-- my oldest daughter, with her big brown eyes. She, too, sits on the swing, but her feet touch the ground.  Her swing moves lazily back and forth, heavy with adolescence, but she pouts at me and begs, “Push me too mommy!”  I laugh, “I don’t know if I can do that anymore, girly!”  I grab her back and give a shove, then another, and she giggles, “wheee!” but we are both only pretending.  She barely moves.  She shakes off the act and says seriously, “I’ve got it from here, mom.”

She’s got it from here.

Not all of “it,” I think, as I watch her swing higher than the others.  

She starts sixth grade this year. She’s not done with me yet.

But I watch her swing higher than the others.  I see it: she is preparing to fly.

They all are.

My heart stretches, aches.

I push the littlest ones again, while they are still small enough, and I am young enough.

We’re getting ready to fly.

Someday, they’ll all say to me, “I’ve got it from here, mom,” and it will be true. God, help me to spend these pre-flight days wisely!  Be the anchor of our souls even as time whisks us forward!  Do not let sadness or selfishness overtake me, but help me rejoice in the growth You give.  

You’ve got them, God, from here, and from there.

And You’ve got me, too.

God, grow me up as you grow them up!

Just a little more time...

Oh Father, these children! Did I let them into my heart only to have them taken out again? Each year brings more letting-go. Kindergarten took three days a week. Then first grade took all of our weekdays. Then activities, friends, and camp take more and more. If this is hard for me now, what of then? What of the day when we live in different states, and get together, maybe, on holidays?

first day of kindergarten

Do you feel it mothers? Do you feel the urgency? Do you know how fleeting these moments are? And yet, even we try to pry our hands and our eyes open so that we can receive and hold as many as we can, we know the task is impossible.

Can we fill up with moments like we can food? Can we be filled, satisfied, stuffed to the point of sickness? My belly is full of moments, but I am not ready to get up from the table. I am not ready to sell the crib.

Even if we refused to blink, if we pried our eyes open and took every moment into our hearts, they would still grow. And they would stretch out their arms, and they would move away. My greedy hands want to keep them, if not forever, at least for now. I do not want them to go to summer camp. I do not want to share them with grandma, with teachers, with spouses.

But, sister in Christ, these feelings are of the old nature. Our grasping, worrying, pining- these things expose the sin tangled in our mother-love. These things are not born of trust in God. We are not seeking the good of our children when we keep them prisoners in our greedy hands, when we demand that they satisfy our needs with their presence. May God forgive us making them our gods, and for trying to be their gods.

Yet a day is coming, mothers, when even the sin that taints our love for our children will be gone. Christ’s forgiveness burns away the fog in our hearts. The Spirit strengthens our new hearts and teaches them to love with a better love. And we hear the promises of God, given to sinners, given to us.

Truly, truly I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life. John 5:24

Eternal life: think on this with me. Because of God’s grace given to us in Jesus, we have eternal life. Our stories do not start at birth and end with our physical death. God has changed our story arc. We have been freed from that awful ending. We have been given more time- eternity, even. We do not have to seize the day. We do not need to hoard moments. We can let go of their hands. The separation that we experience now--whether they go to kindergarten, grandma’s, college, or the grave-- it will seem like a mere moment, like nothing, when eternity is spread before us; when the fog has been burned away and we see all things by the light of Christ.

Father,

Forgive me for the sin that stains my mother-love. Forgive me for trying to satisfy myself in my children, and for trying to be that which satisfies them. Open my hands, that I may receive the good moments as blessings from you, and keep them open, that I may be ready and willing to share these children with the world. Lift my eyes to You, and fasten my heart to Your promises. Teach me to look forward to that day when Your Word is fufilled in my sight. Sustain me until then, Lord, for I am weak.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,  to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you,  who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.  In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials,  so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.  Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory,  obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

1 peter 1:3-9

Read, Pray, and Hug Before You Click

In the summer:
Kids get themselves up sometime before seven, big kids put on TV, and they loaf around in PJs.  I get up when I'm ready (or when the baby is stinky and hollerin' beside my bed.)  I make coffee, check email, and ease into the morning. I make breakfast for them when I am good n' ready.

Ahhhh.

During the school year:
I get up when they do (I know, some people say you should get up earlier than your kids, but they always hear the coffeepot, so what's the point?)  We jump out of bed and into our shoes. We plow through our morning jobs, and we get everyone together in time for school.
They talk and fight over the cereal box and I pester them to eat two more bites.  We hunt for the hairbrush and I check my email real quick while they are chewing.  I change the baby and pack the snacks and shoo them out the door because they're almost late.

And they leave, dressed and fed, but what have we forgotten? Did we hug? Did we pray? Did I look in their eyes or say a kind word to them?

I don't know. We probably forgot. I probably got sidetracked.
I could say I am too task-oriented.
I could also say I am too me-oriented.

Both things are true.  The way I gravitate towards my internet fix in the morning is just another symptom of me putting me first.

I don't want to send them to school with empty stomachs.
They need food.
They need mommy-love.
They need the Word of God.




Read the Bible- for me and for the children.
(Alternatively, let the Ipod do the reading while we eat.)

Pray- for myself and with the children.
We say Luther's Morning Prayer on the porch before they leave.

Hug- Greet the kids with affection when you first see them in the morning and before they leave for the day. Look into their eyes and speak kind words.


I have again given the kids permission to hold me accountable here. (Aggie loves her other nagging license. If you need someone to hold you accountable, just ask Aggie.)

No clicking until these things are done, and no clicking until the big kids are gone to school.

I want my children to grow up thinking this is normal:

It's normal for mom to listen to me.
It's normal for me to work in the morning.
It's normal for me to pray with my mom and dad every day.
It's normal to be loved and hugged.
It's normal to hear God's Word every day.

May God be with us in this new normal,and grow us in love for Him and each other.

Luther’s Morning  Prayer
I thank you, my heavenly Father, through Jesus Christ, your dear Son, that you have kept me this
night from all harm and danger. Keep me this day also from sin and every evil, that all my
doings and life may please you. Into your hands I commend my body and soul and all things. Let
your holy angel be with me, that the wicked foe may have no power over me. Amen.

Do you get distracted by technology or other things in the morning?

What do you want your  "normal" morning to look like?

Letter to the teachers at the beginning of a new school year

Dear teachers, 

principals, 

and all who work with children,

As we begin a new school year,

These children who come to you have grown another year, and they continue with a steady march toward adulthood. Your classroom is their next stop. They come with their peers, and they sit in desks with eyes on you.

You may have piles of things still disorganized, you may not feel ready, you may not BE ready, but they come.

You have made room in your classroom and in your heart for this new set of children, and you are preparing to feed them and fill them and teach them.

These students will wear you out; they will try your patience; and they will frustrate you. They will push you and poke you and sin against you. They will learn from you and take from you and they will need more than you can give them.

They will need more than you can give them.

Remember this now, at the beginning of the year. They need you to be their teacher, and they need God to be their God.

Our Father, who knit you together, has equipped and gifted you to do this job that is before you. May He use your hands to bless these children. May He use your voice to teach His wisdom. May He use your heart of compassion to teach them love. May He use your strength and determination to teach them His ways even in discipline and failure. May He strengthen their faith by His Word from your lips.

May He fill you up with all that you need to do this enormous job. As you teach the children of His love for them, may He remind you that the same constant love applies to you. May His love for you in Christ continually refresh you and sustain you in the coming year. May He provide help when you need it, rest when you need it, and grace always.

God enable you both to will and to do this faithful work.

From one of many parents who are praying for you,

Emily Cook

www.weakandloved.com

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Parents, remember to pray for your child's teachers!

Consider sending them a word of encouragement as they start the school year!

Feel free to use/modify this letter if you like!

Challenges and joys at the beginning of a new school year

It's time to start a new school year, and this always makes me reflective.  

I see how each child has grown, 

and I remember that there is no anchor for the seasons of life.

I rejoice with them, and I sigh a little for myself.  

Go on, little ones, and spread your wings wide.  

May God hold you close!

Father, be that refuge for them that I would like to be. 

(Pray this prayer with me!)

photo by Shalinee Kohli Murishwar, India

Shalinee is a friend of mine from India. We met in the epilepsy forums. Her dear son continues to suffer daily seizures. Please keep him and all with epilepsy in your prayers.  

Shalinee's son is an inspiration to his mother, as she explains:

“I've learned to chase what I enjoy just by watching our son do so through his innumerable seizures! He is my inspiration; he never gives up! Not a day passes by without a fall, a bump, a challenge but he lifts himself and gets back to his play and friends.....and I thank God for this illumination in my life- for helping me learn through this phase.“  Follow Shalinee on instagram

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Isn't Shalinee's photo great!?

What challenges are you facing as school starts this year?

Rushing to beat the before-school rush...

My head is spinning with the planning involved for the start of the school year.  I am making lists and organizing whatever I can, trying to get this family READY for the new routine.  I will miss the lazy mornings, and I will miss my big kids, but I admit I am looking forward to a change of pace as well.

I’m fluttering along with the flylady, and this year, it is my goal to establish daily routines not just for myself but for the children, to keep this house and this life running along (ideally, without me constantly nagging or barking at the children.)

The children who are old enough to read have been given daily checklists.  My four-year-old has a shorter one, with pictures by the words. I have printed out my weekly jobs and daily jobs, and we are practicing this week.  Today, I woke up late and the bigger kids had 50% of their jobs done before I had even turned on the coffee pot. They are putting me to shame!

Why routines?

Less morning stress: lists will give them direction, so I (eventually) won’t need to prod them along with words.  Results indicate they will need my words along with their lists for the first few weeks, but they should need my direction less and less.

Responsibility: Big kids learning that they are part of a family and have daily responsibilities for keeping this house running smoothly.  We work together, and then we have more time to play together.

Focus:  We have scheduled a devotion and prayer time into our routines. This is hard to make room for in the before-school rush, but if it is on the list, they will make me do it!  (More on this tomorrow!)

Fun Saturdays: Though we will have a few extra chores to do on the weekend, I hope to use flylady’s strategies to keep this house running through babysteps, rather than dedicating an entire day to housework. Weekends are for play.

At least, I hope.

How do you handle the before-school rush?

I'd love to hear your ideas!

For those of you who are curious about the daily jobs assigned to my children, I will post them in the comments.

Interview your child at the end of the school year *UPDATED

It seems like only yesterday...

first day of school, 2009

At the end of my daughter's first year of kindergarten, I was ready to celebrate. I was proud of her, and I was proud of me for making it through my baby's first year of school. I was excited to have her home. 

I greeted her that last day of school with special treats, made by her brothers and sisters. I had saved some of her special artwork and papers, and I put together in a scrapbook for her. We looked through it together on the couch and talked about the year.  It was wonderful.

I have three kids coming home from their last day of school tomorrow. (Finishing kindergarten, first grade, and third grade.)

Would you like to see my scrapbooks this year?

Slackers: the up side of rule-breaking

From my dad:


You've probably heard that old saying, "Rules are made to be broken."
Well, that was my motto! If there was a rule anywhere near me, I'd break it just to make a point. 


Nobody was going to tell me what to do. 


(And all the moms reading this who have children like you are sighing. Yep, that sounds about right.)

My cousin is sitting in the frame of the baby buggy 
that we eventually turned into a go cart.

We would push each other down the hill in the winter and crash into snowbanks. 

That's why there's only a frame left. 

That's me in the cowboy hat."

(A cowboy hat, mind you. not a helmet. Of course not.)

So, why this aversion to rules, dad? 

Someone like me has a hard time understanding that way of thinking. Don't you know that life is more peaceful when you just obey the rules?  

"I guess I just figured I'd do the telling. That's probably why I became the boss at the few" real jobs"  I had. Then of course when you own the business you're the boss."

This is why he owned a business, and then another one.

He likes to do things on his terms, in his way. And often, his way really is better. More efficient. 

More work with less effort.

Now that's something even I can appreciate.

My theory (my hopeful, optimistic theory:) The child who seems determined to break every rule, may be destined for a great leadership role someday. 

Now, to figure out how to keep us all alive until then....

Artificial incentives: Aren’t they all?

My current strategy with my slackers:

Whatever it is I want them to do, I try to tie it to something that THEY want.

Whatever it is I want them to stop, I try to tie that to something they do NOT want.

Sticker charts and A+s work for some kids. And blank spaces in themselves may be punishment enough.

The other kids force me to be more creative as I try to motivate them. They need artificial incentives tied to a job well-done. For example, I might praise a cleaned room with an extra snack. I give out “computer time’ for time spent reading.  I take away TV time for arguing.

If life doesn't give them a consequence for doing something they should not, I create an artificial link. 

Carrot theory: Artificial Incentives and consequences

At first, I have to admit, I felt a little annoyed that some kids would need this “artificial incentive.” It is strange to me that not all children would do extra credit work just for the satisfaction of the A+. To be honest, I tend to judge people who need these sorts of “artificial incentives” to do what they should be doing anyway.  

Wait, was my motivation really so pure?

Why do I want them to get good grades, anyway? So their teachers like them? So I can praise them and be proud of them?

It seems to me like the right answer to this question should be:
I want my children to do their best, to learn all that they can, so that they can use their God-given talents to serve Him and others.

Was that my motivation, during those years I jumped through hoops in school?

Um, no.

Not even a little.

I just liked people’s approval. I liked to be right. I liked to have the high score.

Later, in college, I discovered a passion for learning, and I became a student (as opposed to a hoop-jumper.)

Later still, thanks to the work of God in me, I started to care about using what I learned for the good of others. 

Until that time, I was motivated by my own artificial incentive: people’s approval.

Quite the humbling realization.

So, even I have not risen above the need for a carrot or two. And I do not believe my children have, either.

Our Carrots

Here are a few of the current carrots in our home: kindle time, night jumps on the trampoline, all day TV-channel-picking privileges, nap skipping, sleepovers, and food. Lots and lots of food. (extra food, not meals!)

Consequences: extra cleaning jobs, acorn running, solitary confinement, loss of privileges, and so forth. (Reminder to myself and you: The lecture, in and of itself, only counts as a consequence for the people-pleasing child. A frown is not a punishment.)

Isn’t this just “behavior modification,” and doesn’t it completely miss the more important issues of the heart?

Yep.

None of these strategies actually teach a child to love God and serve his neighbor.

It is my opinion that ONE of my jobs as mother is merely to help modify a child’s behavior.

This is not my only job, and not the most important job, but a job nonetheless.

Passion draws the heart.

Consequences nip at the ankles.

God uses mom’s hands in both areas.

Tell me, what do you think about artificial incentives?

Do you use carrots in your home? What kind?

And... isn't parenting EXHAUSTING?

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More to come, including: Digging for passion, nipping at ankles, and slacker strengths.

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