steady now

 a morning text:

“Dad’s been taken by ambulance, he’s in ICU and we don’t know what’s going on”

and my universe shook; 

unsteady, 

we need to go

steadier husband 

kept the keys and packed with me.

My son was up early, and somehow he knew

when he saw me he knew 

No words

Just a hug

And he stood there solid, and I was the small crumbling shaking mom

and he made no motion to move away

(as long as you need mama)

like he was trying to let his strength pour into me

(as long as you need)

and love made me steadier

In the car later I said “Oh no I forgot my earbuds!” and my husband said “I grabbed them for you, they’re right here” and I cried at the small kindness

and just tried to keep breathing. Steady now. 

and we drove right on by the texts that said “don't come until we know something”

until we finally got there, to the hospital, to my daddy in a gown in a bed

and my mom’s face crumpled into “I’m glad you came”

And I could finally give her a hug

And I stood there solid, holding the small crumbling shaking mom

and made no motion to move away

(as long as you need mama)

like I was trying to let strength pour into her

(as long as you need)

and love made us steadier.

--

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)

We wait in hope for the Lord;

    he is our help and our shield.

In him our hearts rejoice,

    for we trust in his holy name.

May your steadfast love be with us, Lord,

    even as we put our hope in you

(Psalm 33:20-22)

*the acute crisis has passed for now; we are breathing, praying for healing, and still carrying some big unanswered questions; thanks to those who join us.

little girl keeping vigil

 There is a little girl in my heart keeping vigil

she is kneeling, keeping a candle lit,

praying for her dad around the clock

of course mom is there too, and her little sister 

all the time, there beside her, 

pouring out love and prayer and fears and hopes

there, for the man we love so dearly

Does God see, does he hear? 

Where is He as we pray?

 “i’m praying for your dad” someone else says

words like a gentle hand on the shoulder

other people going in and out, joining the vigil

the plea for help and mercy

Our small voices, joined with other voices

echo in that holy space

Hear my cry, O God;

    listen to my prayer.

From the ends of the earth I call to You,

    I call as my heart grows faint;

    lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For You have been my refuge,

    a strong tower against the foe.

I long to dwell in Your tent forever

    and take refuge in the shelter of Your wings. (Psalm 61)

And underneath our pleading voices; 

another voice pleads- strong and commanding

rich with compassion 

and deep with wisdom beyond our understanding

God Himself prays with us. 

And we are not alone.

Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them. (Hebrews 7:25)

The Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, (Romans 8)