Make me defiant

 Entrust your souls to a faithful creator while doing good.

Entrusting: this seems to be the easy part,  because it’s kind of like falling into my bed in exhaustion; napping though there’s so much work to be done.  The world is not mine to rule.  I’m exhausted, and so I nap.  

Entrust myself. Yes if God is good, I can trust and nap, but can I hide and quit while  He makes it all OK again?  What is this “entrust and do good,” and how can you ask it of someone so weary?

I’m crying and praying in the bedroom.

I do NOT feel grateful and they don’t either. I do not want to pull them together around the kitchen table to do some counting of blessings nonsense.

And so, in utter defiance of my own feelings (and all that is broken in the world)I did exactly that thing.

A thanksgiving tree. “No mom,how about a burning bush like we used to have in indiana?”

Yes, ok, let’s do that.. 

And they gathered around and got excited and joked and fought over the tape and asked me a million times how to spell things. And I taped leaves to the wall.  

Defiant, thankful leaves.

Lord make me defiant.

Not of you, but of the lies that seek to suffocate me. 

Sometimes kicking through the emotions does lead to relief. 

Cutting stupid leaves out of construction paper to write about the gratitude that I most certainly do not feel.

Defiant kitchen singing, loudly and wholeheartedly

Defiant running while focusing on scripture, running through tears even but still running and keeping my eyes literally on the Word.

Defiantly letting the emotions just come, sitting in them, and then defiantly getting up again, too

Help me defy the urge to fight God’s will (the imperfect reality he sent me TODAY.)

Defy the urge to escape by consuming or numbing

Help me defy the urge to resent Him, or this place, or others

I feel the skin irritation, the rage against the noise and the clutter and I feel the urge to make everyone clean everything immediately and be silent and away from me because it is all just TOO MUCH

God, give me the strength to defy these feelings by interacting with them and forcing kindness into my voice and prying my eyes open to see the gifts you give and singing praises that I might not feel.

(O Lord open my lips and my mouth will declare your praise!)

I feel the urge to sue the universe, as if suffering sent to me is wrong somehow and never should even be a thing. I DEFY these feelings and trust my God instead. I will make a defiant loaf of bread and trust in His provision for tomorrow.

(He will from evil shield me, so to him I will yield me)

Defy the darkness; receive and reflect the light. 

This is courageous, heroic and more than we have in us.

God, we need your help.

Fight the darkness in us and around us.

Make us defiant.

---

Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good. (1 Peter 4:19)

It's coming.

 It’s coming.

The days are growing shorter and it’s coming. 

I have feared winter before; I fear it again, but more. 

It’s coming.

Not just the darkness but the uncertainty. 

Today I told the kids a quarantine is inevitable. Every day we leave the house is a gift.

I imagine many of us walk around with the feeling of impending doom.

Squirreling away supplies for the blizzard, or the shutdown, or the illness. 

It’s coming.

Do you feel the urgency?

I feel it daily, it comes up around me and squeezes my chest tight

Which way is the wind blowing?
Dare I check headlines or social media?

I see a mud slinging shit storm

Chaos, coming.

To whom shall we go?

Where is our refuge? 

Our help is still in the name of the Lord, Maker of Heaven and Earth

To His children: we have to hold each other up, take turns being strong and pulling other ones from the edge of the pit. There is a sun, there is spring, God is love, Christ is risen! This is TRUE and it is all that is true! We must hold fast despite all dark winds and loud voices.

We are already at war. Do you feel it?

Nerve-endings fired up, waiting for attack? That’s part of the attack.

The testing is already beginning.

How are you handling it? 

As for me, it’s already too much. 

I reject this “new normal”

but it ignores my rejection of it, and continues on,

as masked people in grocery stores don’t bother to make eye contact,

as conversation and connection is suffocated and stifled.

Again, Christians, we have to hold each other up, take turns being strong and pulling other ones from the edge of the pit. There is a sun, there is spring, God is love, Christ is risen! This is TRUE and it is all that is true! We must hold fast despite all dark winds and loud voices.

We must remind each other, sing it, say it aloud every hour, every day.

Our help is still in the name of the Lord, Maker of Heaven and Earth

A guest post by Naomi Marks

 How much time in this year of 2020 have you spent worrying about the ants in your yard, whether their tunnels were secure, whether they had enough food, whether flood might sweep in and ruin their homes? I’m guessing not even a moment. We live higher than that. The concerns of ants don’t touch us.

The cacophony of craziness in the world has reached a deafening pitch right now, similar to what I experienced on the Maid of the Mist at Niagara Falls. When you’re that close to the waterfall, you can’t even hear the person next to you. Go up in an airplane, however, and you don’t hear a thing.

The people of the earth, the devil, and the sin nature in all of us rises like a flood. Psalm 93 says “The floods have lifted up, O Lord, the floods have lifted up their voice; the floods lift up their roaring.” Isaiah 57:20 says “But the wicked are like the tossing sea; for it cannot be quiet, and its waters toss up mire and dirt.” God calls His church “afflicted one and storm-tossed” in Isaiah 54 and Psalm 18 tells us the torrents of destruction make the saints afraid. That rising tide would flood us all were it not for God’s promise and call to put us out of reach of the rushing water.

The Lord Himself sits “enthroned over the flood, as King forever” (Psalm 29). Psalm 93 assures us God is mightier than the thunders of many waters and the waves of the sea. He’s not worried what the news anchors say. He’s not worried what the president says or what anyone in America says, for that matter. Kings rage. He laughs. Man plots. He confuses. Pharaoh, that one who enslaved God’s people and refused to relent, is but a noise (Jeremiah 46:17).

So which view do you want today and this week? The lunatic raging of the evil world and our own sinful hearts or the peace of God, which can rule in your heart, the One who “stills the roaring of the seas, the roaring of their waves, the tumult of the peoples” (Psalm 65)? Let His strong arms put you high upon the rock, out of the reach of the screeching waters, out of earshot of the deafening noise. Listen to His voice, through His Word and Sacraments, call your pastor if you need to, and let your mind and body respond to the sweet and gentle voice saying, “Peace, be still.”

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts. The Lord is hosts is with us, the God of Jacob is our fortress.” (Psalm 46)

“See round Your ark the hungry billows curling:

See how Your foes their banners are unfurling

And with great spite their fiery darts are hurling,

O Lord, preserve us.

Lord, be our light when worldly darkness veils us;

Lord, be our shield when earthly armor fails us;

And in the day when hell itself assails us,

Grant us Your peace, Lord.

Peace in our hearts, where sinful thoughts are raging,

Peace in Your Church, our troubled souls assuaging,

Peace when the world its endless war is waging,

Peace in Your heaven.” (LSB 659)

Lord, lift me up and let me stand by faith on Heaven’s table land. . .

-----

It bears repeating....

That rising tide would flood us all were it not for God’s promise and call to put us out of reach of the rushing water.

Eyes up, friends. This is just another week of worldly cacophony. Our Lord and Father reigns above it all. May He sustain our spirits with glimpses of His work and reminders of His higher perspective.

His grip is our peace.

No Mere Idea

I am not equipped for this-- for this month of marches to the cemetery. I do not have the words to soothe my children when grief and fear strikes in the night. I cannot explain “why,” not to them, and not to myself. I can only hold them close, and it doesn’t seem like enough.

Yes, daddy is with one of the sad families again. Ask me your question. Wait, never mind, don’t ask, because I don't know. Let's crawl under blankets together instead.Life in this broken world often seems like a war of ideas. And circumstances conspire, and speak loud words into our hearts, and we hear “God is not good. He doesn't care. He's not in control.”

We fight back, of course. We soak up God's Word; we breathe in His grace and promises.

A child sings his memory verse: “The Lord your God is with you wherever you go,” and I wonder if the words will inoculate him from all the attacks on his faith. It feels a little bit like feeding him a salad and hoping that it will keep him healthy for the rest of his life.

Our efforts would be futile if this were a mere war of ideas. But Jesus is not an idea, He’s a person.

This is the only reason I dare hope for my children, for myself.

We dare not hope in our righteousness, because we have seen it fail time and again. We dare not hope in our circumstances, or our intelligence, because these things are as fragile as our health. I cannot even guarantee that my arms will be there to embrace them in the night when the fears strike. I am not enough.

But Jesus is not an idea, He is a Person, and He is enough. I cannot be their Jesus, but with the help of God I can point them to Him. I carried each of my children to their Baptismal waters, and there, God adopted them, and gave them new life with Him. He nurtures that life through His Word and in His church. Parents and children alike are invited to come and drink and live; to seek and find and be found.

Christianity is not an idea. Christ is a Person, a God-man who has died and risen and overcome death and the grave. The promise is for us and our children.

Let us take the hands of our friends and our children who suffer, and let us go to together to meet Him in His Word and Sacraments. Let us go together to Him, who binds up the brokenhearted, who heals our wounds, and who renews our hope.

Christ holy vine, Christ living tree
be praise for this blessed mystery
that word and water thus revive
and join us to your tree of life.

(LBS 595)

originally posted 10/2014

It's not safe here.

I'm holding my little guy down so daddy can take out the slivers. He screams throat-tearing protests, while I stroke his wet curls and whisper prayers. “It's almost done, sweetie.” I say as I kiss tears. Except that it wasn't. Daddy found nearly twenty slivers there in the softest part of his tiny foot. How could this have happened?

"Mommy why are you doing this to me?" he screams.

“Oh honey,” I held him tighter, no words to say, only tears, tears mixed with anger and questions. Tears falling for more than just his tiny aching foot.

I hate this place today, Lord! Some guy stealing kids right from their mama's side at the grocery store so he can do awful things to them? A random sniper on the interstate?

And now slivers? Is this supposed to be some lesson to me? Am I supposed to trust you in the suffering, to somehow be OK with the pain from the shrapnel of evil in my heart? It's not OK. If there's a lesson for me to learn, send me an email, or use a felt board or something. My child is suffering real pain, screaming real screams.

This hurts my real heart. 

I do not understand.

Later, I hold his hand tightly when we go to the library-- much tighter than usual. I look to the left and right, again, and again. I notice the other children, the run-down car, the unfriendly face on that man. I keep my son close to me.

It's not safe here.

I am like Sister Bear. Remember her? She was a happy little girl bear who trusts everyone, until one day her Brother warns her about stranger danger. Later, she returns to park-- the familiar, friendly park. But everything is different. People are suspicious. The man behind the newspaper is hiding something. The sky is darker. The birds' beaks are sharper.

It's not safe here.

I know, Father, it's not You that does these things, I know. But why don't you stop them?

I have no answers.

So I set my shoulders back, I clench my hands, and I prepare to fight. I will use my concealed carry permit. I will be more aware, more vigilant. I'll buckle them and warn them and make them wear helmets.

No way, not my babies. I won't stand for it.

I'll stand in front of the wave of evil and absorb it all so it never hits them.

Except that … I can't. I'm not enough.

It's not safe here, and we will not leave this world unscathed.

I will not.

My babies will not.

God did not.

God deals with this broken world in a strange way. Instead of destroying it, He enters it. Instead of abolishing the law, He fulfilled it. Instead of punishing the sinner, He welcomed the full weight of the punishment onto Himself on the cross. Instead of pouring out the cup of His wrath on the earth, He drank it Himself.

Instead of somehow erasing death, He suffered it.

And then He rose.

He entered into our dying, hate-filled world, and He did everything backwards. He loved. He suffered. He died. He lives.

He lives.

And by His glorious resurrection, He proves to us that He is not of this world.

And, by grace, neither are we.

It is not safe here. There are dangers on every hand. The world is suffering, dying, and we share in that suffering. And we scream throat-tearing screams and we ask heart-tearing questions. And we are not OK.

And yet, by grace, we are being made new in Christ.

We are set apart, heirs of life.

Today, we are merely far from home.

We don't belong here.

Praise God, we belong to Him.

photo credit educationdiva

marioarand

frog: eldon cook

Why I have hope for the children

She’s been making her plans, researching colleges, getting ready to take flight.

Reluctant at first, but now less so, she begins to imagine life on campus.

But America has begun to change, like a slap in the face,

I watch her plan, but I wonder, “what now?”

And often she smacks up against a cancellation, or headline that makes her question, “What now?”

I don’t know, daughter.

I don’t know what this summer will be like, or fall, or next fall.

Yes, it could be fundamentally different. 

Yes, our new normal could be nothing like we imagined or planned. 

So, what now? 

What if the future we experience is nothing like the future for which we planned?

“To know Christ and to make him known.” (Classical Conversations Mission statement)

“To receive God’s goodness and reflect his generosity.” (The Christian life as described by John Kleinig)

These words describe the highest and best aims of education, of parenting, of the life of the Christian. These words are rooted deeply in the reality of God as we know him in Christ, and God does not change like shifting societies.

So what of the future, mom?

Will you grow in knowledge of God? I think you will, even it if means fighting against distractions and temptations to cling to His word. Will there be God’s goodness to receive? Yes, of course, He will continue to pour it out in grace and mercy on His children in all places as He has always done. 

Will you have eyes to see His goodness?

God’s people know Him and receive all good things from His hand, sometimes right in the midst of great suffering, sometimes right there on the cliff’s edge, or deep in the valley of the shadow of death. His rod and His staff and His continual presence in Word and sacrament will give you comfort wherever you go.

And what, then, shall I do? 

Will you “make him known,” will you “reflect his generosity?” Of course you will, that is what God’s children do. You may be called to reflect God’s goodness on your college campus or in your vocation; or it may be in some other way.  God’s goodness is so multi-faceted it can be reflected anywhere: at Starbucks, at a babysitting job, even at a stoplight.

I do not know the plans He has for you. But there will be goodness and mercy from the hand of God, and there will be neighbors on whom you can pour His love.

Meanwhile, we wait in uncertainty, clinging to a certain God. 

We wait here, with open hands and hearts, 

Training

and living 

our lives together (for now) 

in Christ (forever),

To know and make known,

receive and reflect,

The love of God as we know it in Jesus.

To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen. (Jude 24-25)

look away from the train wreck

Watching the news lately feels like watching a train wreck happen in slow motion. I can’t do anything about it. And yet I can’t seem to look away.

In his sermon yesterday, pastor talked about the sensationalism and bloodlust that drew people to the Colosseum. The pull of watching violence, death, and evil from a safe distance, the strength of that pull, and how staring into the darkness tempts us, and distorts our view of the entire world. 

Staring into the darkness for long periods of time distorts our view of the entire world.

Well, of course it does.

But I need to be informed, I argue. And I stare at the train wreck on my newsfeed a little longer.

Do you need to be informed? Why? How much? When does the desire to be informed morph into something that harms you personally, that distracts you from the good work God has placed before you, that causes you to forget that you are in the hands of your Loving and Merciful Father?

These are the questions I carry today.

We do need to be informed. We need to be informed about our current, local world (a little,) but we also need to be informed about the bigger picture, the eternal picture, the work God has done and is doing through Christ in the world. 

Wouldn’t it be nice to just escape from all of this, to simply retreat, and be surrounded by the good, true, and beautiful, to remember God and to hide in Him from the crumbling world around us?

It would be nice. Healing, refreshing, restful. 

And why can’t we do just that, today? 

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. 

Psalm 34:8

-----

It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind.

C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Dear Sin-Sick Soul

Dear sin-sick soul,

soul afraid,

soul staring wide-eyed at death, 
at sin exposed:

You there, with the knees sore and hands dirty from weeding, weeding, always weeding... are you discouraged, when the weeds keep coming back?

but I'm such a big helper!

Do you fear because of the strong ones, the ones that will not give up their roots? You pluck off the top and cover the rest, you smooth down the surface, but you know what is underneath. The roots, growing stronger, too strong for your hands or even your shovel. You fear the day when it breaks through the surface again, where everyone can see.

Stop it.

Just... stop.

You are not the gardener.

You are in the Gardener's care.

It is God who will finish this thing.

Those weeds that seek your destruction, that sin-sickness that threatens to devour you-- it is too much for you. But it is not too much for Him.

Safe in His grace, let His Word diagnose that ugliness, and fear it, fear it so that it will drive you to Him, to help and healing.

Lay down your tools and your crutches, and see the powerlessness of your own two hands.

Be still.

Wait on the Lord with open hands and infested heart.

Wait- and remember who you are.

Who- by grace- you are.

You are a child of God, weak and loved.

You are covered in the perfect forgiveness of Jesus.

Your sins have been answered for with His own blood,

blood that gets down to the deepest roots, destroying evil and growing new life.

Your sin-sickness, your terminal illness is no match for Him.

Jesus came precisely for this: to seek and save the lost-

to seek and save YOU.

It is God who will finish this thing.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you 

will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Phillipians 1:6

---
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

(1 Peter 5)

originally published 5/2014

Come in out of the wind.

"Sit with these words until they become the truest thing about you."
-- Brennan Manning

II. The Creed

As the head of the family should teach it in a simple way to his household.

The First Article.

Of Creation.

I believe in God the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth.

What does this mean?--Answer.
I believe that God has made me and all creatures; that He has given me my body and soul, eyes, ears, and all my limbs, my reason, and all my senses, and still preserves them; in addition thereto, clothing and shoes, meat and drink, house and homestead, wife and children, fields, cattle, and all my goods; that He provides me richly and daily with all that I need to support this body and life, protects me from all danger, and guards me and preserves me from all evil; and all this out of pure, fatherly, divine goodness and mercy, without any merit or worthiness in me; for all which I owe it to Him to thank, praise, serve, and obey Him. This is most certainly true.

The Second Article.

Of Redemption.

And in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord; who was conceived by the Holy Ghost, born of the Virgin Mary; suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, dead, and buried; He descended into hell; the third day He rose again from the dead; He ascended into heaven, and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father Almighty; from thence He shall come to judge the quick and the dead.

What does this mean?--Answer.
I believe that Jesus Christ, true God, begotten of the Father from eternity, and also true man, born of the Virgin Mary, is my Lord, who has redeemed me, a lost and condemned creature, purchased and won [delivered] me from all sins, from death, and from the power of the devil, not with gold or silver, but with His holy, precious blood and with His innocent suffering and death, in order that I may be [wholly] His own, and live under Him in His kingdom, and serve Him in everlasting righteousness, innocence, and blessedness, even as He is risen from the dead, lives and reigns to all eternity. This is most certainly true.

The Third Article.

Of Sanctification.

I believe in the Holy Ghost; one holy Christian Church, the communion of saints; the forgiveness of sins; the resurrection of the body; and the life everlasting. Amen.

What does this mean?--Answer.

I believe that I cannot by my own reason or strength believe in Jesus Christ, my Lord, or come to Him; but the Holy Ghost has called me by the Gospel, enlightened me with His gifts, sanctified and kept me in the true faith; even as He calls, gathers, enlightens, and sanctifies the whole Christian Church on earth, and keeps it with Jesus Christ in the one true faith; in which Christian Church He forgives daily and richly all sins to me and all believers, and at the last day will raise up me and all the dead, and will give to me and to all believers in Christ everlasting life. This is most certainly true.

from the Small Catechism
https://www.bookofconcord.org/smallcatechism.php
Also recommended: Sing the Faith
https://www.cph.org/p-3422-Sing-the-Faith-CD.aspx

It’s been hard over here, a whole new kind of hard. My brain feels taxed, like I’m not even sure what to do with myself. Sometimes I just wander the house looking for something to eat or clean or …. control, I guess. Sometimes I pick up my phone determined to spend time in Scripture, but I end up scrolling headlines instead, ramping up my emotions rather than settling them.

Settle me down, Lord.

Here’s one thing I fear, and I want to share it with you: I fear the division that’s happening. I fear the consequences of fear.  Everything is so emotionally charged, it seems dangerous to talk about anything that matters, and I hate it.

We can’t let this trial divide God’s people.  

We need to remember what we have in common. We are redeemed children of God living in a corrupt, contaminated, disgusting, broken world. We will not leave this world unscathed.  But also, we are safe, ultimately, ONLY because of Jesus and His sacrifice, safe COMPLETELY because of His grace. That safety is not a mere physical safety- physical safety is not promised. Neither health nor economic safety is promised to us. 

God himself is our Only Solid Thing.

Let us keep taking refuge, under Him and in Him, together, while we ride out this storm.

He is (still) making all things new.

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High

    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,

    my God, in whom I trust.”

(Ps 91:1-2)