Things I don't do.

As strange as it sounds, one of the most difficult challenges in my life right now is managing abundance:

Abundant hand-me-downs, toys, and books
Abundant kids and their abundant needs and wants
Abundant friends, emails, events, and new experiences

Add to this a newsfeed that never ends, a constant stream of laundry, and ministry that is never quite done, and you have a woman on the verge of crazy!

Why it is all things seem to demand equal, immediate attention? And why does my brain seem incapable of handling all of those things equally and immediately?

I am not a computer. I cannot help with homework, make dinner, reply to a facebook message, and listen to a piano song all at the same time.  I cannot care equally about the skinned knee and the threat of ISIS and the funny elephant video and the boys' pet cricket and the lady in the hospital.

I am learning, albeit slowly: I believe there are a thousand ways to do this life well... but "do every single possible thing" is just not a realistic option.

As part of my plan to not lose my mind entirely, I've been reading. And I want to share a gem from a book that stopped me in my tracks.

The book is called Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist. She was talking about this struggle, and the list making, and the feeling of never catching up, of always feeling the pressure to do everything better. 

The author shared something she learned from a friend:

"she said it's not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What's hard, she said, is figuring out what you're willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about." (54)

We hear "DO EVERYTHING BETTER" when a friend knits or sings something beautiful and we think we could never do that, but maybe we should.

When the kids get dressed with clothes straight from the dryer, we rebuke ourselves with a silent "DO EVERYTHING BETTER."

When we're socializing, we feel like should be cleaning, and when we're cleaning, we feel like we are neglecting relationships. 

If only we could do it all, better.

DO EVERYTHING BETTER is the song we march to when we forget that we are mere mortals.

DO EVERYTHING BETTER sucks the life from our souls.

DO EVERYTHING BETTER makes us do nothing well, especially not those things we were made to do like love and rest and rejoice, and leaves us crying on the floor in a heap of guilty failure.

It is easy, so this author says, to decide what we want our lives to be about. I agree.  I want my life to be about loving my kids and my husband, being loved by God and sharing His love with others.

But what are we willing to NOT DO so that we can do those things?
Because we are mere mortals, with limits that even caffeine cannot overcome, we must ask this question.

What do you do?
What DON'T you do?

What does it look like for YOU to love serve your family and love your neighbor and feed your spirit? We are not in junior high, friends. We don't have to look like everybody else to be liked. There are a million ways to do this life well. What does YOUR list look like? What can you cut out that may be keeping you from the more important things?

Things I do

Feed my Spirit through the Divine Service and devotions

Cook at home

Make quality time with hubs

Read aloud to the kids
Read quietly for the joy of it
Take tons of pictures

Write

Nap when my body tells me to nap

Fellowship with others around the Bible and other good books
Work hard daily at a job I love 

Things I don't do

Scrapbook (I store memories with words, not photos, and never, ever, with fancy borders or decals. I use scissors for opening cheese.)

Make clothes or sew

Clip coupons, bargain hunt (If only Amazon sold groceries!)
Keep my floors perfectly clean (it's much faster to just wear shoes in the house.)

Attend every sporting event (even if my kids are playing.)

Volunteer for every church and school thing offered

Sell my stuff on ebay

Chores kids should do

Spend time with pets

Interior decorating

Blow-dry my hair except on special occasions
Pay attention to my fingernails
Stay up past ten, except on special occasions
Watch TV (with rare exceptions)

As I added in a part-time job this year, some of my favorite things were squeezed out, like gardening, and daily writing. I am still figuring out what I can rearrange and what needs to be put on the chopping block. The goal, however, is to find a livable balance, not to simply do EVERYTHING better.

Do your soul favor today, and add to the list of things you DON'T do to make more space for things that matter.

What's on your chopping block? What do you love, what do you live for, and what do you NOT do?

a heart list

As you know, I love lists. This list by John Bunyan, surprised, convicted, and comforted me all at once. It is good to know I am not the only child of God with a list like this.


I find to this day seven abominations in my heart:
(1) An inclination to unbelief.
(2) Suddenly forgetting the love and mercy that Christ shows us.
(3) A leaning to the works of the Law.
(4) Wanderings and coldness in prayer.
(5) Forgetting to watch for that which I have prayed for.
(6) A tendency to murmur becuase I have no more, and yet a willingness to abuse what I have.
(7) I can do none o fhtose things which God commands me, but my corruptions will thurst themselves upon me so that "When I would do good, evil is present with me."

These things I continually see and feel and am afflicted and oppressed with; yet the wisdom of God orders them for my good.

(1) They make me abhor myself.
(2) They keep me from trusting my heart.
(3) They convince me of the insufficiency of all inherent righteousness.
(4) They show me the necessity of flying ot Jesus.
(5) They press me to pray to God.
(6) They show me the need I have to watch and be sober.
(7) And they provoke me to look to God, through Christ, to help me and carry me thro
ugh this world.

Amen.

---- John Bunyan
(from the Treasury of Daily Prayer.)

Hold my hand!

When little lips speak of things buried inside a mother-heart

My little girl is in tears, in the arms of her daddy. 

I have gone to bed early, before my husband, before even the oldest children. My body simply gave out, and I had no choice but to lay down.  I am frustrated that my body refused to live up to the standards in my head. There is a frying pan covered in hamburger grease in my kitchen, and I hate that I will wake up to it tomorrow. 

Daddy sent the girls to bed, but one did not go quietly. Teeth brushed, she rushed back into his arms, in tears.  It's bedtime, but she has two more math problems to do.  She thinks her father is heartless, unfair, for making her go to bed with things undone. 

He and I have talked about this- how her wonderful work-ethic pushes her near perfectionism. 

He sits with her on the end of our bed.

"Honey, it's ok to go to bed with two problems left undone. You will have plenty of time in the morning."  She doesn't believe him, though the problems are simple.  Leaving loose ends, even if they can be tied in under three minutes, is torture to her little soul. "Your body needs rest my dear. It's OK not to have everything done. Daddy still loves you, and mommy.  And Jesus loves you too, and he wouldn't love you any more if your jobs were done.  Go to bed, dear.  It really is OK.."  

She sniffs and nods.  

She tries to believe. 

She hugs her mother and rushes off to bed.

I imagine her crying small tears while she waits for those words to take root in her heart.

I love my husband and those words of comfort he speaks.

But still, I almost ask him if he wouldn't mind going back into the kitchen and cleaning that disgusting frying pan.  But I know he would laugh, thinking I must be kidding. How can such a request come after such a lesson?  

Motherhood, like taking your heart out of your chest and watching it walk around, indeed.  These walking hearts of mine, they say things I couldn't say. Is it pride or the forgetfulness of age that causes me to keep these things buried? 

I put my head back on my pillow, and I wait for those words to sink down into my heart.

Impossible Mother Job: Being the FAIR Queen

They want things to be fair, and I understand that.

But it is so hard for me to keep track of who did what last, and whose turn it is for this or that.

It would be nice if I had one of these:

(photo credit)

Except, it would have to be more complicated.

Something like this:

(Yes, I do have six children. But the chart was overwhelming enough with three.)

But I don't have a big complicated chart of switchboard.
And my brain is not capable of this kind of record-keeping.

Until someone invents something like that, I guess I'll have to keep with my current strategy.

Parents, have you found something for this problem?

Is there a middle road,

somewhere in between the huge, complicated Fairness Tracker

and random arbitrary rulings?

I'd love to hear from you!