My dear sad son...

I thank God for you, and most of all for your big heart. I do not think you appreciate this as a gift right now, especially since it aches so...  

Do you remember yesterday, the beautiful fall afternoon, when you and I and laid on blankets under the tree in the yard?  It’s been a rough week for all of us, and though you have said nothing, I could tell you’ve been running from emotions too big to handle alone. So this afternoon I determined to be there, near you, with open heart and ears. You were strong and composed, until piano music entered your ears and broke down all the walls around your heart. “Turn it off mom!!! It just… I hate piano and… it just makes me so sad about Kristie!” you cried, We talked and I held you. We lay together while the ugly feelings came out, in hiccups and gasps and hot tears. Oh son, I wish I could take them from you. I wish I could let you skip this part, skip the pain of growing up in Christ, of learning the brokenness of this world and grieving for it.   I cannot feel the feelings for you, but I do feel them with you.

As you grow, will you be one who seems to experience deeper sadness than others in times of suffering? If you are, son, and if you feel alone in this, know that you are not. You are so much like me in this way.  We see and intensely feel the brokenness of this place; we take the grief of others on ourselves. Son, I know you do not like this about yourself, but don’t you see? Your compassion reflects God’s compassion for us. Jesus suffers with us, is moved by compassion, takes it upon himself. This is a learning to love like Christ does, learning to love with His love instead of mere human love.

Oh son, I know it hurts terribly. It hurts so bad that none of us could survive long in this place if we only shared in our Lord’s hurt over the brokenness of this world. So my earnest prayer for you is this: May God fill you with hope and comfort in Christ, deeper and richer and fuller than the suffering you feel. I do not pray that he takes the suffering away… love growing in you is a gift, though a painful one.  I know, the ugly feelings are impossible to bear. May you not seek relief in numbness of hardness of heart. Instead,may you seek help from them in our Lord, in His Word, and in the comfort of his church family (and in my arms, as long as God allows!)

May God fill you with resurrection hope, and even joy in THIS place, as we wait to see his promises fufilled.

-- Mama

2 Corinthians 1:3-5English Standard Version (ESV)

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.

an excerpt from My Gliead; 10/3/14