raising awareness: PTSSD

Post Traumatic Sock Sorting Disorder (PTSSD) is an under-diagnosed condition that affects millions of women every year.  

Causes:  Exposure to an excessive quantity of mismatched socks.  Studies show a direct relation between the frequency of exposure, the number of single socks, and the occurrence of PTSSD.

Early studies show a greater incidence of PTSSD in homemaking women with large families.  Generous grandparents may also contribute to this risk, though studies in this area are preliminary.

Symptoms: 

Affected persons may become confused, angry, despondent, and/or haunted by a pervasive feeling of restlessness.  

Some people exhibit sensitivity to other forms of disorder including but not limited to: tangled hair, sticky floors, non-food items in the fridge, food in the bathroom, frayed rugs, open cupboard doors, fingerprinted windows, crumbs not-swept, books not-shelved, trash not-taken-out, papers not-filed, jackets not-hung, toenails not-clipped, teeth not-brushed, shoes not-in-a-row, and so forth.

Asymmetrical, crooked, or mismatched objects may also elicit feelings of rage or horror.

CALL YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY if feelings of rage erupt into violent action.  

Notify your doctor as soon as possible if you or a loved one who has been exposed to excessive mismatched socks exhibits any of the following behaviors: refusal to speak unless using a sock-puppet, stomping through the house throwing all feet-related items into a garbage bag, attempting to convinced children that mismatched socks are cool, or compulsive lining-up of all things in pairs of two.

Prognosis

Talk-therapy and medication are minimally effective.  

Early studies indicate that a cathartic, sock-related experience may restore the brain to its normal state.  Professionals recommend destroying the sock-box via bonfire or other dramatic destructive ritual.

Prevention

Doctors recommend that individuals who have experienced a sock-related anger incident or have suffered from PTSSD in the past make every effort to avoid sock-related stress.  Socks should never be purchased for reasons of individual expression or outfit coordination, but judged solely on the warmth provided to the feet.  Any form of sock that disrupts the overall simplicity of the laundry routine should be banned from the home.

PTSSD sufferers are encouraged to avoid the fancy-sock section of the store completely, and buy exclusively those socks which come in a bag.