power struggle

I hit the ground running, and kept running all day.  This is not unusual by any means.  Some days it doesn't bother me at all.  On this day it did.

All day, that list guided my next move-- the never ending list of urgent things.  There is a written list, and a constantly regenerating list made by the children roaming about my home.  Pick up this, clean that, discipline him, answer that, cook this, fold that, bandage this, read that, wipe this, snuggle that, and on and on and on and on!

It's enough to make a person start talking to herself!

"When is there going to be MORE time?  Or a shorter list?"

"NEVER.   Never EVER."

"ARG! So how in the world am I going to make it?"

(clueless pause)

"Well, self, what would you do with more time?"

"That's easy!  I'd have some ME time!  I'd read more!  I'd spend some time just soaking up my kids!  I would sit down and catch my breath for five lousy minutes!"

"Are you really going to wait until your list is completely cleared to do those things?  Give me a reason why you can't just do one of those things today."

Well..... (silence.)

"See what happens, self.  Take five minutes, and walk away from the list.  Breathe.  Pray.  Remind yourself that YOU are the boss of the list.  The list is not the boss of you."

(Breathing, relaxing, smiling. )  "Hey! This relaxing stuff really works!"

"See! I told you the world wouldn't fall apart if you walked away from the list!"

Wrong.  I just put "breathe" on my list.  See?

"Self, you're impossible."