the "more" He has for me

     When the ground started to shift at the other place, I spent some time hunkered down in resistance, clawing at any root I could find. I set my jaw and crossed my arms and leaned against a rock of unwillingness. 

Slowly, the love of God soaked into the ground underneath that giant rock. It went all the way down to where the fears lived, like I Can’t Do This Again, It Won’t Be Ok, and What About the Children? 

The love of God soaked all the way down to the hard, brittle parts of me that think it’s their job to Make it Ok, Keep it Together, and Get it Under Control.

And the love of God seeped down deep, and like a holy acid, broke down all those strong supports that held up the rock of unwillingness. And one day there was a decisive storm, a flood and a great collapse. The rock of unwillingness fell down, over a cliff into a deep valley, against my will but also somehow freeing it.
I found myself on the edge overlooking a great expanse. I have more in store for you. 

“But what? and how will it be? and will it work out? and what about the children? 

No answers. Only Presence. 

And then, we just sat there. For a long time. Days, weeks, months of the tension: trying to live present in one place with awareness of shifting ground and things on the move. 

I remember the dizzying feeling, sitting on the heights with the Lord, trying to imagine what’s next for me in the valley.  We sat there as possibilities came and went, fog rolled in and out.

We’re approaching one year in this new house, in this new life. I am still unpacking all the “more” He has here for us. This week I had a wonderful sing-and-ride on my motorcycle: 80 degrees, open fields, spring bursting out all over Illinois. I sang through all the wrenching aching love I have for my people in other states; danced through the joy of being present here. I drove over a bridge and caught my breath at the beauty- St Pauls, from this angle! Our new church home, the most recent place where we have found extended family!  It took my breath away.

I stopped to take a picture, to help me hold on to God’s gracious “I told you so.”

Holy Week

 

Jesus said to Peter, “Put your sword into its sheath; shall I not drink the cup that the Father has given me?”
(See how he trusts God going into the darkness! Yet I have so many swords, so many ways I fight the cup God has prepared for me with teeth-gritting resistance.)

“We want Barabbas!”

(How humanity has always- how I have always- begged for that which would harm or kill me)

from the sermon: God works to END our own attempts to make things right in this world. Our best efforts come to nothing. Only God can make it all right.

And how Jesus sets his face towards suffering, towards pouring out

(while I squirm and flail and avoid my own crosses)

and He walks the path through hardship towards peace… for me

and pours Himself out still.. for me

may I be found with open hands, beneath his flood.

That boy with his back towards us,

he’s walking out into open spaces,

finding his own footing

we don't know where he is going

he’s getting smaller every minute

I’m getting smaller in his life

he’s getting bigger in his own

and this is as it should be

meanwhile I try to pretend I’m ok with this

with the sheer speed of it all

I grab the passenger door with the speed of it;

he laughs at me

and wishes it would all go even faster

I know how his heart lifts out there in the fields

I know how he breathes in the country air

he turns up the music and rolls down the windows

and he looks up at the stars when they are shining in their glory

He captures sunsets, lovesongs, and hymns

and pours them out again through his fingers at the piano

combining, embellishing, and leaving his own imprints of beauty

I don’t know where he is going

but I know Who is forming him

still wonderfully making him,

right before my eyes

for a little bit longer.

Day 7

 

Day 7: For Work, Rest, or Play by Joel Biermann
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This book is an invitation to meditate on the biggest questions of life: What is God doing? Why am I here? Where is this all going? Dr. Biermann focuses on Day Seven of Creation and its implications for life in Christ today. On Day 7: “Creator and creation are living according to God’s good plan. And Adam and Eve are right in the middle of it all, celebrating with God. This is the underlying context for what will eventually one day be called the Third Commandment."

“God marking the completion of his extraordinary masterpiece. God sets aside an entire day simply to soak in the sheer joy and delight of the perfection he had accomplished.”

In this light he ponders important topics: work, rightly understood, as essential to human flourishing, along with rest, leisure (schole), and play.

This book includes a wonderful reflection on play as delight and even “an intrusion of eternity into this world,” as well as a call to appreciate the transcendentals (goodness, truth, and beauty).
There is even a beautiful reflection on the absurdity of sleep, which the author describes as “daily declaration that humans live only and always as God’s contingent creatures.”

This is a grace-filled reflection that leads not to inventing rules or guilt-driven ways of practicing “sabbath,” but instead offers a clearer glimpse into the heart of God for His Creation, His aims in redemption, and His invitation to His people to taste the first fruits even now.

Highly recommend!

(Looking for people to discuss this one! Maybe a future book club pick!)


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