Getting the business out of the way…
If I am to judge by the sudden surge in blog hits, this depression topic is an important one to some of you. Alright then, let’s talk about it some more. But first, the disclaimer:
My thoughts on depression ought not to be a substitute for medical advice or pastoral advice. Please take what is helpful and leave what is not!
Depression is a broad, messy word.
I find the whole thing to be exceedingly messy. The mix of medical issues and sin and spiritual attack and emotional whatnot and behavioral this and that… I cannot sort it out in myself, so I will not even try to sort it out in you. But that’s the good news: we don’t necessarily have to sort all of it out! (more on that later.)
I know there are risks in sharing this information. I have felt the stigma and the judging. I know how unfathomable this struggle is to those who have not experienced it themselves. I was that person once, and I know how ridiculous all of this looks from the outside. I hope my words will help those who do not suffer have more compassion and wisdom in their difficult job of loving those who do.
For those of you who know exactly what I am talking about, I’m sorry. It will not always be this way.
My story, in brief:
I have PCOS and have had wild hormone issues forever. I am more stable pregnant than not, though my husband insists, not completely stable even then! I have never been in “the pit” during pregnancy, but in between babies, it always comes.
I have it easier than many. Most of the time, like today, I have basically no symptoms. Every month or two or three, I have a few days of feeling “on the verge” that tend to spiral into 1-2 days of completely nonfunctional, horrible depression.
On the plus side, this pattern has made it easier for me to recognize my problem as a (at least partly) medical problem. When the pit sucked me in on vacation, and I could not even blame it on the chaos of my life or the kids or anything at all, I finally could see that there was something medical going on. Medicine has helped me greatly.
There, the business is out of the way. Onward we will go, wherever the winds and the shadows take me! (I had to add that- this post was sounding way too business-like.)
As I blog, I will share thoughts from “the pit,” and from outside “the pit.” I also intend to share some insights gained from conversation with my dear husband who has loved me through the pit and back again.
This will not be the only thing this blog is about anymore, and I don’t think I can even talk about this topic for too long with a straight face. Lord willing, these posts will be full of comfort and hope, and not a means for spreading more depression around!
One last thought for today:
If you are one of those who suffer in silence, please say it out loud to someone who loves you.
Just say it.
Heal me O Lord, and I will be healed.
Save me, and I will be saved.
For you are the one I praise.
Jeremiah 17:14
Well now you have another friend to fight the depression battle. I too have and continue to battle depression and major anxiety. If whereas only an easy way to conquer! I believe the more I work on my relationship with God the better I have been doing. I must decrease and He must increase. I am always here if you need anything. Just down the road!!!!! With love Laura
ReplyDeleteI so understand "the pit." I have been struggling with staying out of that pit this entire pregnancy. I am so ready to be back on my meds so the pit is a bit less present. I'm with Mary in your last post--my depression leads to such anxiety it's horrendous. This is what I'm dealing with now. The anxiety being directed towards giving birth and the possibility of it being horrible as was the 1st time. But, God is good, huh? He loves us too much to keep us in the pit. So thankful for that!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHe loves us to much to let us stay in the pit.. For eternity anyway! He seems to let some of His loved ones go there more often than we would like. But He loves us even if the pit... Through the pit, despite the pit, even when we can't feel it.
ReplyDeleteThough I'd still rather He just carry me past the pits!
My daughter has PCOS, but depression is not an issue for her. She has the weight problem though. I want to know how you had so many sweet babies w/ ovaries that don't work right! God bless you and your brood. I'm just finding your blog through Into the Words Wednesdays, and I'm loving connecting w/ so many believing women! I really enjoy your writing and have become a follower so I can stay in touch. So nice to find you!
ReplyDelete:) I am glad your daughter has been spread the depression! My pcos is pretty mild- I took hormones the first time; took a year to get pregnanty with my first baby, but after that... Well, once the faucet was on it kinda got stuck on! :)
DeleteThanks for connecting and I hope to see you again!
Emily