It doesn’t happen often anymore, but I did it last week:
I picked up a sleeping baby.
I was tired, and there were still a thousand things on my list, but I quit. The complaints of things left undone in my home were drowned out by my own loud thoughts: children growing, milestones whizzing by, lightning quick changes all around me.
My snoring baby didn’t need me. I picked him up anyway, and we rocked while he snored.
Birth pains are nothing compared to growth pains.
Oh God, these children! They bloom, just as they should; they grow, just as You will. How can something so wonderful be so sad? Tonight I feel so heavily the ache of the never-agains.
I know, God, I know you are changing me. I know the ache of the never-again will melt into a gratitude for having had at all. I am only dragging my feet as you lead me towards peace.
It will happen. But right now, I sit heavy with memories, and I linger in the rocking chair.
As a parent, I was aware of it, but it still slipped away. Now as a grandparent with 17, 16, 15, 6, 2 years old, 2,300 miles away, we are even more acutely aware of “never-agains” and most often, “not-evers.”
ReplyDeleteThanks for the glimpse. And hold them once again...
Rich
oh my, the never-agains are heavy enough... but not-evers...that's another lesson indeed.
ReplyDeleteI wonder whether our joyful reunion in heaven will contain something like those moments we missed down here...
Can't help but hope!
Yes, indeed!
ReplyDelete