priorities

When people ask, “How’s homeschooling?” I find myself with too many things to say, so I say little. “I love and hate it, depending on the day!” “It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I feel like I was made for this!”  All true, but I could say so much more!

So here’s a glimpse into our lists and days:

I start with the list of measurable things, the kind that I can check off (oh those lovely checkmarks!)  This is our rough daily schedule, the part that is put on paper:

chores
morning time and devotions
memory work
history or science
math
grammar and writing
read aloud to everyone at lunch or after
advanced math
latin
rhetoric
*check in with all kids regarding independent work: piano, cartography, debate, reading, math facts, handwriting, presentation preparation, exposition, etc

Our days are finally taking shape in a semi-predictable way.  But I am learning so much, and so painfully sometimes, that these measurable things are not always the point, often have to be put aside, for the sake of the other things God sends.

A sampling:
give that lecture about self-control (again)
help the child with feeling of overwhelm
deal with somebody’s temper
balance their need to be noisy with the others’ need for quiet space to focus
vacuum up the dog hair
feed the gecko and pray for the gecko
feed everybody (again)
teach THEM how to feed everybody
rebalance the chore assignments
rethink discipline strategies
navigate more Big Feelings
have Big Conversations about Big Ideas
exercise
make space for friendships and neighbors

Those are a few things I might be called upon to do for the family that do not make the checklist.
And then my personal list of non-measurable never-ending to dos:

Give YOURSELF that lecture about self-control
Deal with YOUR temper or overwhelm
Learn, read, study well so that you can teach
Model that self-control and gentleness you are trying to teach and fess up when you fail!
Discover this job is too big for you (again) and pray for help
Run out of patience (again) and pray for help
Run out of everything, pray and nap
work on your own health/diet so you can love and serve well
Soak up some nature
Bump up against big kid issues; the kind you can’t simply solve with words, reign in with boundaries, or fix with consequences; feel your smallness, pray and commend them to God
Be a wife! Love and support my husband. (sorry it’s at the bottom, hun.)

I see the value of these things that do not make the measurable checklist.  I just want to do them all AND get all the things off the list.

I just want to be squeeze 30 hours of productive work out of a 24 hour day.  And I want do it all perfectly, in a clean house, with children who love each other!

Like nothing else in my life, homeschooling is forcing me to make hard choices about how I spend my time. It’s forcing me to ask, why is THIS on the list? What really matters here? 

All I know is, I’m learning right along with the kids. And I’m not going to get it right every time. Just like they inexplicably forget their math facts, I will inexplicably forget everything I’ve learned about being gentle and flexible, and we will power through, and it will get ugly.

But I will keep pressing forward, relying on the grace of God, celebrating the small victories along the way.

This week, when the boys flailing arms and giggles made it impossible to diagram sentences, I sent them out on the trampoline “for ten minutes,” and then I let them stay for thirty. An hour later, I let them celebrate the end of a math lesson with another trampoline break. Win.

Today, I celebrate that moment when the child who USUALLY shuts down during math or latin corrections ALMOST shuts down but instead... powers through. And it seems miraculous, the way the lesson ended with both of us smiling. (I absolutely could have danced about it, but I played it cool.)

Thank you God for little victories and signs of growth!  Help us as we try to sort out the urgent and the important tasks in our lives.  Help us keep our eyes on You as we continue to ask “what matters here?” and “what is the next right thing?”  May our rest be in you, in your grace alone, as we see so clearly through your son Jesus.   Amen.