My bare feet sink into sand, but still I run, holding tight to the little one’s back before I throw him overhead in a grand under-dog. He clings tight to the chain, laughing loud. His brother teases, “Grandma can push higher than you!” because he’d rather tease than ask politely for a turn. But I hear the asking in the teasing, and I push him up and over, higher than his brother.
As I recover my footing I see she is watching me-- my oldest daughter, with her big brown eyes. She, too, sits on the swing, but her feet touch the ground. Her swing moves lazily back and forth, heavy with adolescence, but she pouts at me and begs, “Push me too mommy!” I laugh, “I don’t know if I can do that anymore, girly!” I grab her back and give a shove, then another, and she giggles, “wheee!” but we are both only pretending. She barely moves. She shakes off the act and says seriously, “I’ve got it from here, mom.”
She’s got it from here.
Not all of “it,” I think, as I watch her swing higher than the others.
She starts sixth grade this year. She’s not done with me yet.
But I watch her swing higher than the others. I see it: she is preparing to fly.
They all are.
My heart stretches, aches.
I push the littlest ones again, while they are still small enough, and I am young enough.
We’re getting ready to fly.
Someday, they’ll all say to me, “I’ve got it from here, mom,” and it will be true. God, help me to spend these pre-flight days wisely! Be the anchor of our souls even as time whisks us forward! Do not let sadness or selfishness overtake me, but help me rejoice in the growth You give.
You’ve got them, God, from here, and from there.
And You’ve got me, too.
God, grow me up as you grow them up!
Lovely. The first thing I thought about while reading this was the fact that once mine are big enough to pump all by themselves, I tend to stop giving pushes. But oh what joy there is in having someone still push and still attend to your needs even when you can meet them yourself. Thoughtful. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! It's hard to watch them on the cusp of flying, not knowing when you should "help" and when you should step back. I agree with the comment above that it's nice to have someone take care of you sometimes too, even though you could do it yourself!
ReplyDeleteI needed this today! thanks!
ReplyDeleteWhat good words of wisdom. He is showing you how they must fly on their own, but not one eaglet learns to fly without the ever watchful eyes and secure talons of mom. Eventually they swoop and fly in unison and enjoy the dance of flying together. Look forward to the day your children become less children and more friends. The Lord is preparing your heart to let go. It's okay, it's natural and no matter how hard it is a blessing.
ReplyDelete"I've got it from here."
ReplyDeleteI've got one starting 6th grade, too, and the independence they are showing is unreal, huh? But there is still something there of "Mom, I need you." I am thankful for that.
More thankful for the fact that we all still need God and His love and care, and forgiveness, and mercy, and grace, and...and that He gives it.
Is it your oldest in 6th grade?
DeleteYes it is amazing how much independence... yet also how much need- just different needs!
You said it though- our need is always there (and increasing perhaps!) and this would not be a blessing in itself, but it points us to God for his love and care and forgiveness and mercy and grace, and as you said- He gives it!