Thoughts from the bench

I don’t like getting benched. 

As wearisome as it is to “do what is in front of me,” day after day, in this house of six kids, it wearies me much more not to do it; to watch others do it for me.

This week, due to a nasty cold and etc, I had to sit for two days “on the bench” while the game went on without me.  How good it is to have the energy to change diapers and make jokes with the children again today. 

A few thoughts from the bench:

God does provide.   Not even my children have wanted for anything.  That’s quite a thing to say considering their many needs, but God provided abundant help.

It is hard to take charity.  It is still hard to receive kindness that I could never repay.  May God uphold and bless those who are so kind as to share my burden.

I don’t consider it all charity.

I noticed something in my heart this time that surprised me.

I don’t count my husband as charity.  In fact, I think he owes it to me.  Isn’t this what a help-mate is for?  They are his kids too, right?  I am quite eager to put part of my burden on his shoulders, whereas I tend to try to be tougher when it comes to offers of help from others.

That is a hard one to sort out, indeed.  Of course it is good to rely most heavily on the flesh of my flesh, and helpmates are for helping.  But where is this sense of entitlement coming from?  Have I been unconsciously “keeping score” of the things we do around the house, and now seems to be a good time to cash in?    AH, sin!  Sin in my love towards my husband, making it plain that his help is gracious indeed!

It is good to slow down and listen

My recent malady involved much fatigue, so that I could not sit at my computer and type, and I could not even hold my ipod while I lay in bed to surf the web.  Oh the headlines that went unread!  Sad and pathetic was I!

So I listened.  I closed my eyes and listened.  I did not check my email, I did not look something up, I did not even clean something while I listened.  I just listened.  Wow, how listening feeds my soul.

My kids know how to care for me.

No, they did not turn into perfect angels.  Many a fight went unresolved among the boys when I was sick.  Yet, I had opportunity to receive compassion from my children.  I overheard whispered conspiracies of “trying to be really super good today.”  I received not only get well cards, but routine chores done without reminders, and even older children looking for extra ways to help.  “Mommy I cleaned this for you!”  Wow, that sentence really does make me feel better!  Another child with a great love for ice water filled my water for me, waited until it was nice and cold, then reminded me to drink it throughout the day.  I really, truly needed this reminder.  How amazing to see God’s care for me from my very own little children.

Thank You God; for carrying me through sickness; for providing for my children even while I sat on the bench; and for giving me strength to get back in the game today.  Amen.