"Trusting in yourself will be your undoing," said the preacher, and with those few words he described every version of my insanity. With those few words, he grabbed my chin and forced me again to face my own limits. I saw the Pharisee, spelling out his resume before God in prayer, standing with eyes and face toward heaven while trusting in himself and posturing for God: insane, blind, unable to see the plainest truth. I saw the folly of willpower, hoop jumping, performing in my own strength and posturing before God. I stood beside the Pharisee and saw the sad human truth: I can’t purify my own heart, tame my own flesh, or sober up my own vision. (Apart from God I can do nothing.)
I have gone to great lengths to try to manage my unmanageables. I have strategized, resolved, researched, and invested huge amounts of effort, worry, and willpower. I have reached for any and everything nearby to try, and try again, all in the hopes of avoiding facing the hard truth of my own limitations, of my failure to manage the unmanageable.
UNmanageable- not ABLE to be managed.
This word is not referring to things “not quite managed,” or “just not managed yet but surely this next strategy will work.” My own efforts to manage these things in my own strength have not only failed, but they have actually added to the unmanageability of my life. As it turns out, I have limits: real ones that can’t actually be bulldozed. This has been one of the most disappointing lessons of my adult life.
And yet, facing this, with sadness and fear, has also opened my ears to the gentle invitation into God’s gracious presence. "Hear God's invitation to true repentance and faith in Him, and His work in you and in the world,” the preacher implored. “Like the child in the woods at night, crying, ‘Help me daddy I am scared,’ this is the tax collector praying ‘God be merciful to me, a sinner.’ This is what it is to ‘draw near with a true heart’” I stood beside the tax collector, and I saw sobriety, sanity, and an invitation to join him there. And I heard the Father’s welcome.
If it is to be done, God must do it.
I think I’ll let him.
After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5: 10-11)
UNmanageable- not ABLE to be managed.
This word is not referring to things “not quite managed,” or “just not managed yet but surely this next strategy will work.” My own efforts to manage these things in my own strength have not only failed, but they have actually added to the unmanageability of my life. As it turns out, I have limits: real ones that can’t actually be bulldozed. This has been one of the most disappointing lessons of my adult life.
And yet, facing this, with sadness and fear, has also opened my ears to the gentle invitation into God’s gracious presence. "Hear God's invitation to true repentance and faith in Him, and His work in you and in the world,” the preacher implored. “Like the child in the woods at night, crying, ‘Help me daddy I am scared,’ this is the tax collector praying ‘God be merciful to me, a sinner.’ This is what it is to ‘draw near with a true heart’” I stood beside the tax collector, and I saw sobriety, sanity, and an invitation to join him there. And I heard the Father’s welcome.
If it is to be done, God must do it.
I think I’ll let him.
After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5: 10-11)
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