fired

 I’ve been fired from my job

my (self-appointed) job of running the universe.

God did it.
He found me spinning, frantic
Dousing all the fires
Taming all the rollercoasters
Trying
Trying so much
To stay ahead of it all.

“You’re fired,” he said
or maybe it was
“You’re tired.”
(I’m not sure
I wasn’t looking at his face)

I don’t remember how it went
I just remember rest, received
like a gift, like a nap
Like falling into strong arms with resignation
and relief.

“I quit.”

the mercy of sacrifice

 By the mercies of God, present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. (Rom 12:1)

Does God desire death, sacrifice, as in utter forfeiture of life? Yes -our lives are not our own- Yes, and death in Christ only leads to life, the death of the old Adam that rises new and well and whole. 

This is the ‘sacrifice’ of the tree planted by streams of water (to stay put and not go drinking from other wells);
the sacrifice of the prodigal son who stays at home and eats food at his fathers table;
the sacrifice of the child who allows herself to be gathered in dad’s loving arms;
the sacrifice of the woman at the well who gives up her search for water in the wrong places and drinks in the living water for the rest of her life;
the sacrifice of the the one who has let go of a beloved, still seated at the waterfall of his grace with hands open and the expectation that God has more;
the sacrifice of seeing those false comforts for the distraction that they are and launching them over the cliff, letting them go, hands free to embrace Jesus instead.

What could it mean that our bodies are holy and acceptable? I look at my aging imperfect frame and this seems to make no sense. Unless the word has made it so- unless it’s a decree from heaven that contains the gift it promises. In Jesus we are holy and acceptable; as beloved children, being redeemed and remade, we are loved in soul and body by his mercy, even now, even imperfect. 

Living out the truth of what He says we are- holy and acceptable to him- we can release the false ways we strive for holiness and acceptance and learn to settle our identity in him. We give the good gifts right back to him as our embodied spiritual worship. We learn to live and love and BE as he intended us, which is also more fully ourselves.

This is why something that sounds so hard (sacrifice) is a mercy of God- a life sacrificed to Him is a puzzle piece clicked into the place where it belongs; a flower finally planted in the soil she needs, a bone out of joint finally set right. 

Into your hand I commit my spirit;

    you have redeemed me, O Lord, faithful God. 

David Psalm 31:5