To Lorraine, as you leave for college;

It can be easy to forget how the packing of boxes is a sign of steady, slow submission; how surrender to the will of God often means pulling up roots and following into the unknown. It can be easy to forget how tears can gather behind your eyes, or leave a wet spot on a shoulder, and how eventually, they dry again. 

I had forgotten the sacrifice of those who helped us pack, those who would rather have chained us to them with handcuffs of “love,” instead carried heavy boxes with heavy hearts but determined, open hands. 

It can be easy to forget how it felt, to drive away with heart weeping, to let one’s mind trace over the edges of gifts given in that place, to wonder achingly if any of those gifts will ever come again, and to resolve to give thanks even so, even not knowing.

But, unloading the boxes, what was that like? 

fresh rooms, new paint,

possibilities, finding the library,

imagination rekindled, 

awkward moments, new relationships 

the fist of a heart, learning slowly to unclench again,

the scattered contents of a brain and home, put back into a new order

pieces coming together,

finding I am still me, 

though a new version

carrying the memories but opening to new ones

hope, possibility

a rearranged soul

making a new home.

It is not a rejection of the home that you leave behind, 

to open your heart in this new home.

If I could keep you little,

If i could save you the pain of goodbyes and of change, of missing home, of letting go,

I probably would; 

but it would not serve you well.

Because in these things we learn that we do not possess each other, 

or anyone,

or any moment or place or season, 

or any gift from heaven,

but we must receive them as God gives, 

and let them go when He takes, 

when he exchanges them for others.

He has proven his faithfulness in this to you in the past, 

and I trust He will again.

I recall these same thoughts when dad went off to war,

I could never let you go, i would crumble and hang on your feet and make a scene

If i did not know that underneath us both is the stability of God, 

and that our parting now is just a short moment in the stream of eternity.

Go forward in confidence, 

with open hands, open heart, and deep roots.

With deepest love,

gratitude to God for giving us you,

confidence in His hand on your life,

and joy in seeing the woman you have become,

I release you into the care of God for the next step on your journey.

I love you with every part of me.

Mom

Image: Narnia vibes, from the shores of Concordia, Mequon.

Adventures ahead!