whatever happens next...

 

They play in the clear pure waters of Lake Michigan, every one of them laughing

and I’m totally ok, even though it’s the last day of vacation before she goes to college .

I’m ok, until he says quietly,

“Too bad all good things come to an end, huh?” 

And that cliche,

those words puncture the water balloons behind my eyes ,

my tears stream quietly

and I don’t even try to stop them. 

Sitting in sadness, not running this time, 

no more running and running and pretending until I am flattened. 

I put down my salad and I lean on him

as the boat bounces and the anchor holds.

So yeah, I’m sad, universe, on this perfect Lake Michigan day,

in the sunshine of 80 degrees and a gentle wind and the soft sand on the clear bottom and everything I could ever want,

leaning on a husband who read my thoughts

as we watch our oldest wrestle loudly with her siblings one more time before she launches, 

before she leaves.

I left some tears behind in Lake Michigan this time. 

Is it strange that I see God’s gentle care even in this,

in the timing of the moment, 

and the finding of the sunglasses?

My dad wore sunglasses when they dropped me off at college,

to help him fake the smile that said, “You got this!” and “Have fun, but not too much!”

Sunglasses,

a nice pair, washed up in the waves, discovered by my son while we walked,

(It was known that I would need them);

they hid my face while they played in the water 

and I closed my streaming eyes

and listened to the sound of crashing waves,

seagulls and laughter,

and days passing away. 

Whatever happens next…

It will be change. 

It will be new and different and partly sad

There will be a hole.

How could it be good? 

Could it really be good?

Whatever happens next, let it be good for her.

Let her world keep opening wider,

as You Lord widen her heart and mind

and take the word HOME and stretch it out even farther

MIchigan- Indiana- Kentucky- now Wisconsin

Stretch, stretch her Lord

but oh, don’t let this world break her. 

Whatever happens next,

Lord Jesus by your grace,

let it be good.

Grace Frees Me

Grace frees me to be the child that I am and to ask my Father for help. (John Kleinig)

What is grace?

Grace: unmerited, unearned, undeserved favor of God.

Grace, given through Jesus Christ, to sinners, even me.

Grace frees me.

Grace frees us.

 Grace frees us to be honest.

I have found that I waste entirely too much energy trying to hide my weaknesses, trying to make myself seem better or holier or stronger than I actually am.

Being honest, brutally honest, is terrifying, and I think it is so terrifying that it would be impossible…but, God:

But God, being rich in mercy, 

because of the great love with which he loved us, 

even when we were dead in our trespasses, 

made us alive together with Christ— 

by grace you have been saved— (Ephesians 2:4-5)

That acceptance I want?  That security I want?

That approval from God? I already have it in Christ.

I am fully known and fully loved. I do not have to hide any more. I do not have to downplay my weaknesses and exaggerate my strengths. I do not have to waste energy contorting my body and my spirit to make myself perfect, or to appear perfect.

And neither do you, dear Christian.

“Our justification does not depend on our piety and our spiritual performance but on Christ and His performance. We can therefore face up to our recurring failure to live as His holy people and people of prayer. In fact, our failure Is meant to teach us to ask for what we lack and receive everything from Christ.”(Grace Upon Grace, Kleinig, p. 39)

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When Jesus says, "Let the little children come," may we hear and know that we are included in that invitation! The little people inside us, the scared children that we try to hide under adult costumes, they are welcome! In God's presence, we are free to be small, dirty, whiney, messy. He welcomes us as we are and takes us on his lap and teaches us to simply BE in his presence, small, and so very loved. 

Praise be to God,

who loves and welcomes children,

who loves and welcomes us.

Amen.